I'm beginning to wonder if this semester is shaping up to be my swan song from voice teaching at Harvard and maybe from the field.
In my eight years there nothing has changed to make teaching there better and the reality is, nothing will. The University isn't suddenly going to allot more room to teachers. The students aren't suddenly going to start showing up weekly for their lessons and understand that when they sign up they are committing to the semester and therefore, to my income and when they quit out of the blue, I'm out income. The Director of the Choral Program isn't suddenly going to become a strong leader, interested in people's teaching and in professional development for voice teachers. The other teachers aren't suddenly going to be interested in collaborating and communicating about voice teaching to have a cohesive department.
Those are all things that I know I need to keep teaching. I've hoped for a long time, particularly when the leadership turned over, that it could come to fruition, but clearly, it ain't happening. Six students dropped this semester, and one week in I've already have many last minute cancellations leaving me twiddling my thumbs for hours. There's no communication from above except the occasional run in when he'll launch into how expensive the program is and it isn't sustainable to pay us what we are paid blah, blah, blah. My commute is now longer and rather than just taking the bus to work I now have to pay for gas, tolls and parking in a garage in Cambridge - the garage alone can run anywhere from $13-$25 a day. I find teaching days draining rather than inspiring.
Not much to recommend staying, yes? I have a hard time letting go of it though. I think I'm a good teacher, with a lot to offer and I've worked hard over the last decade to become such. Each semester I start with new hope that maybe I'll find the right balance of how much to teach each day and how to teach in a way that I'll not feel drained of creativity at the end of the day. I took a sabbatical leave position last term at another school in the hopes it might build a connection to get me out of Harvard. I met some nice people and enjoyed working in a more 'legit' situation, but nothing came of it. It seems as though no one is retiring from schools where lessons are offered for credit and there are no openings ever. None of it seems to be panning out. I have fewer students than ever this term due to many people dropping and just received an email from a new student saying she isn't continuing, despite signing up for the term.
The question is, what on earth would I do if I leave voice teaching? Our household needs two incomes and I also think I'm a mom who needs to have some professional outlet to be a better parent. I want a job that will give me flexibility with my young family, but also prove to be satisfying. It would be nice to use some skills and abilities that I have cultivated in my professional life in my next position.
Any suggestions? Thoughts?
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Traveling with a Two
Here we are, two plus months into the Shorty being two and already I'm finding myself opting to stay home rather than venture out to run errands. Partly this is due to our recent move to the burbs and the fact that an errand now involves getting in the car to go anywhere, no more walking down the street to get places. Mostly, though, if I'm being honest, I'm staying home to avoid being seen in public with my two year old.
Girlfriend is HIGH energy these days. She's always been that way, I suppose, but when you mix it up with a huge yet moderately understandable vocabulary and the ability to leap small cracks in a single bound, you get a recipe for being thrown out of Stop and Shop.
Her newest thing is to yell "I wanna walk Mommy" and refuse to get into the cart/stroller/your arms. I've convinced her that she should be carried in parking lots rather than dart away from me "that too danerous mommy, too many cars for Ella," she'll say. However, once in the store she develops an incredible ability to lock her knees and stand in the cart while you nicely ask her to sit her toosh down.
Last weekend I gave in and let her 'walk'. Both parents were at the grocery store together and I figured we could divide and conquer with one keeping an eye on her and the other gathering food. Holy Jesus. I don't ever want to set foot in a grocery store again with a two year old. She ran. RAN up and down aisles. She hollered at the top of her lungs. She periodically stopped mid-aisle to have a dance party to whatever music was on the store muzak system. She whipped her hair back and forth and grabbed items off the shelf 'need dis mommy?'.
When forced to sit somewhere she doesn't want she pitches a fit that nothing can quell. So, today when I'd like to go to CVS and to the mall to do some errands, I find myself avoiding and staying home because I don't care to deal with the potential tantrums and hijinks.
Ahhh, I know this will pass, but til them, I'm seriously considering PeaPod.
Girlfriend is HIGH energy these days. She's always been that way, I suppose, but when you mix it up with a huge yet moderately understandable vocabulary and the ability to leap small cracks in a single bound, you get a recipe for being thrown out of Stop and Shop.
Her newest thing is to yell "I wanna walk Mommy" and refuse to get into the cart/stroller/your arms. I've convinced her that she should be carried in parking lots rather than dart away from me "that too danerous mommy, too many cars for Ella," she'll say. However, once in the store she develops an incredible ability to lock her knees and stand in the cart while you nicely ask her to sit her toosh down.
Last weekend I gave in and let her 'walk'. Both parents were at the grocery store together and I figured we could divide and conquer with one keeping an eye on her and the other gathering food. Holy Jesus. I don't ever want to set foot in a grocery store again with a two year old. She ran. RAN up and down aisles. She hollered at the top of her lungs. She periodically stopped mid-aisle to have a dance party to whatever music was on the store muzak system. She whipped her hair back and forth and grabbed items off the shelf 'need dis mommy?'.
When forced to sit somewhere she doesn't want she pitches a fit that nothing can quell. So, today when I'd like to go to CVS and to the mall to do some errands, I find myself avoiding and staying home because I don't care to deal with the potential tantrums and hijinks.
Ahhh, I know this will pass, but til them, I'm seriously considering PeaPod.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Homeownership
Buying a house is infinitely more stressful than getting married when pregnant or having a baby. I'm just sayin'.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
All I want for Christmas
All the day-after Thanksgiving sales have started to be advertised on TV. They make me want to throw up. How people in our society have been convinced to get up at 3am to go to Walmart and buy crap is just beyond me.
Recently, I read Mountains Beyond Mountains the story of what Paul Farmer is doing in Haiti. He and his work are both mind blowing. One thing he says in the book that really stuck with me is, to paraphrase, 'for some to have more, everyone has to have less'. Simple, but the more I thought about it the more profound and true it became. I have this thought a lot when I read about the occupy wallstreet movement. If everyone who makes a lot makes a little less, that money could go to help people - not just handouts, but to educate, train and contribute to society. Most of the 99% could probably even live with less and help those who are living below the poverty line.
From reading I've done over the years in books by people like Muhammad Yunus (BANKER TO THE POOR), Nick Christof (HALF THE SKY) and Greg Mortenson (THREE CUPS OF TEA - Yeah, I know he is controversial right now, but the point of his book is true regardless of how his personal life unfolds), the general consensus seems to be this: the way out of poverty and suffering is to educate girls and train women to become workers and entrepreneurs. When women earn money they put it back into their family, spending on food and education for their children. From these books I've also gleaned that there is suffering and then there is suffering.
It is very tempting to complain about one's life. I know I get easily caught up in it, but the perspective I've gained from these books makes a little voice in my head chime in every time I start to whine about something. It says, "Sarah, stop. Your problems are so small relative to those who have real, life threatening issue to deal with. Shut up and enjoy the lovely life you lead." Or something like that. My suffering, no matter how big it seems to me is nothing compared to what women in many countries experience. They can't feed their families, or give birth safely or have potable water, or avoid gang rape. My feeling bad about not getting to the gym for 10 weeks while I'm teaching retreats to the corners of my mind a bit when I stop and think about a world bigger than just me.
When I see the black Friday ads on television I get a little mad. Why is the almightly dollar king and why are people made to think they need to stand in the freezing cold for that new Playstation, when there are people standing in the freezing cold because they don't have a home?
This year I am considering telling my family I want nothing for Christmas. It was hard enough coming up with birthday wants a few weeks ago. I need nothing and there isn't much I want either. What I would love though, is to know a woman in Rwanda could have adequate prenatal care and give birth safely. That a girl in Afghanistan could go to school and learn to read and write. That a family in Honduras had chickens to give them eggs to eat and sell.
Would anyone else go for this? I'm curious to know if others would give up their pile of Christmas presents so other total strangers could eat and drink and live life a little more safely.
If you would, here are some great organizations to consider:
Heifer International
Partners in Health
Million Moms Challenge
Room to Read
Recently, I read Mountains Beyond Mountains the story of what Paul Farmer is doing in Haiti. He and his work are both mind blowing. One thing he says in the book that really stuck with me is, to paraphrase, 'for some to have more, everyone has to have less'. Simple, but the more I thought about it the more profound and true it became. I have this thought a lot when I read about the occupy wallstreet movement. If everyone who makes a lot makes a little less, that money could go to help people - not just handouts, but to educate, train and contribute to society. Most of the 99% could probably even live with less and help those who are living below the poverty line.
From reading I've done over the years in books by people like Muhammad Yunus (BANKER TO THE POOR), Nick Christof (HALF THE SKY) and Greg Mortenson (THREE CUPS OF TEA - Yeah, I know he is controversial right now, but the point of his book is true regardless of how his personal life unfolds), the general consensus seems to be this: the way out of poverty and suffering is to educate girls and train women to become workers and entrepreneurs. When women earn money they put it back into their family, spending on food and education for their children. From these books I've also gleaned that there is suffering and then there is suffering.
It is very tempting to complain about one's life. I know I get easily caught up in it, but the perspective I've gained from these books makes a little voice in my head chime in every time I start to whine about something. It says, "Sarah, stop. Your problems are so small relative to those who have real, life threatening issue to deal with. Shut up and enjoy the lovely life you lead." Or something like that. My suffering, no matter how big it seems to me is nothing compared to what women in many countries experience. They can't feed their families, or give birth safely or have potable water, or avoid gang rape. My feeling bad about not getting to the gym for 10 weeks while I'm teaching retreats to the corners of my mind a bit when I stop and think about a world bigger than just me.
When I see the black Friday ads on television I get a little mad. Why is the almightly dollar king and why are people made to think they need to stand in the freezing cold for that new Playstation, when there are people standing in the freezing cold because they don't have a home?
This year I am considering telling my family I want nothing for Christmas. It was hard enough coming up with birthday wants a few weeks ago. I need nothing and there isn't much I want either. What I would love though, is to know a woman in Rwanda could have adequate prenatal care and give birth safely. That a girl in Afghanistan could go to school and learn to read and write. That a family in Honduras had chickens to give them eggs to eat and sell.
Would anyone else go for this? I'm curious to know if others would give up their pile of Christmas presents so other total strangers could eat and drink and live life a little more safely.
If you would, here are some great organizations to consider:
Heifer International
Partners in Health
Million Moms Challenge
Room to Read
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Living a Yogic Life
The start of school is upon me. I'm three weeks into teaching at Wellesley and go tonight to sign new students up at Harvard. In general I like teaching people to sing, but there have been days where I end feeling as though there is something that is just missing.
That has lead me to contemplate what else I might do. Is there something I might feel more fulfilled doing? When I assess the things I am interested in, 3 categories emerge. One is music/the voice/teaching and performing, one is arts/crafts and kids and the other is yoga/social justice/the world at large.
My life and my family, what demands there are upon me and how I want to meet the needs of my family are huge considerations when I contemplate my career. I can see ways that each category can meet those needs, whether it is through the flexibility of voice teaching or the same schedule of kiddos by teaching in a pre-school situation where I could cut, glue and craft all day long.
In thinking about yoga, I realize that it feels less important to me to work as a yoga teacher than it does to live a yogic life. But, what, exactly does that mean? Here's what I've come up with so far:
I'd like to shift back to eating a more heavily vegetarian diet.
Strive to lower my impact on the world.
Develop a regular yoga practice that includes at home and part of a studio.
Cultivate a meditation practice.
Learn to hold in my mind the tenants of yoga that I studied in my certification program so I perhaps walk through each day with a different experience.
I think all of this is about striving for balance in life and learning to recognize when balance has tipped and make the subtle shifts required to put the bubble back in the middle of the level (now I've probably mixed way too many metaphors). Maybe by attempting some of these things I'll find that the missing gap is closed.
That has lead me to contemplate what else I might do. Is there something I might feel more fulfilled doing? When I assess the things I am interested in, 3 categories emerge. One is music/the voice/teaching and performing, one is arts/crafts and kids and the other is yoga/social justice/the world at large.
My life and my family, what demands there are upon me and how I want to meet the needs of my family are huge considerations when I contemplate my career. I can see ways that each category can meet those needs, whether it is through the flexibility of voice teaching or the same schedule of kiddos by teaching in a pre-school situation where I could cut, glue and craft all day long.
In thinking about yoga, I realize that it feels less important to me to work as a yoga teacher than it does to live a yogic life. But, what, exactly does that mean? Here's what I've come up with so far:
I'd like to shift back to eating a more heavily vegetarian diet.
Strive to lower my impact on the world.
Develop a regular yoga practice that includes at home and part of a studio.
Cultivate a meditation practice.
Learn to hold in my mind the tenants of yoga that I studied in my certification program so I perhaps walk through each day with a different experience.
I think all of this is about striving for balance in life and learning to recognize when balance has tipped and make the subtle shifts required to put the bubble back in the middle of the level (now I've probably mixed way too many metaphors). Maybe by attempting some of these things I'll find that the missing gap is closed.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Dear Church People
I have a thing or two to say to the people who decide how UCC job searches proceed. I get the length of time they can take. You've got a group of volunteers who all have busy lives and finding times to get everyone together can be a challenge. When you then also have to interview multiple candidates, it can easily become 9 weeks between interviews.
I wish there were some standards beyond the ones that exist. If I were in charge, there would be periodic contact with candidates between week one and week nine when you call the candidate to tell them you want to interview them again. I would add that interviewing the minister's wife is completely archaic and so not necessary.
However, what I really, really take issue with is that you expect a minister to say yes to a job WITHOUT TELLING HIM THE SALARY. That is so freaking beyond ridiculous. Not a single person on the search committee would ever agree to do a job without knowing the salary. No person should have to do that! All the minister knows is the range of pay which can be as much as a 30,000-40,000 spread.
Really, I get that ministers are supposed to be called to do the work they do. Hopefully everyone finds their calling in life and pursues it. But, no matter how much you are called, you have a family that has financial needs and you need to know what you'll be paid. Bills don't go away just because you are a minister.
So, note to thee UCC, start making job offers that come with salary offers before you waste anyone else's time.
I wish there were some standards beyond the ones that exist. If I were in charge, there would be periodic contact with candidates between week one and week nine when you call the candidate to tell them you want to interview them again. I would add that interviewing the minister's wife is completely archaic and so not necessary.
However, what I really, really take issue with is that you expect a minister to say yes to a job WITHOUT TELLING HIM THE SALARY. That is so freaking beyond ridiculous. Not a single person on the search committee would ever agree to do a job without knowing the salary. No person should have to do that! All the minister knows is the range of pay which can be as much as a 30,000-40,000 spread.
Really, I get that ministers are supposed to be called to do the work they do. Hopefully everyone finds their calling in life and pursues it. But, no matter how much you are called, you have a family that has financial needs and you need to know what you'll be paid. Bills don't go away just because you are a minister.
So, note to thee UCC, start making job offers that come with salary offers before you waste anyone else's time.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Duly Noted
Over the weekend I made a big realization. The balance has tipped in the parenting department. I'm finally at a point where the good is outweighing the challenging. With a 20 month old I'm finally starting to feel like I enjoy this parenting thing.
I always thought I would, but then an infant dropped into my lap and dear Jaysus, it was so not fun. I can see the challenge of the twos on the horizon, but I feel like if I can hold onto the knowledge that infancy ended, so too will the terrible twos and I will again love my child and her awesomeness.
Because, let me tell you, she is all kinds of awesome. From the moment she wakes up til the second she closes her eyes to sleep at night she is a non-stop party. We sing, we dance, we paint shit, we walk a toy shopping cart loaded up with stuffed doggies up and down the street, we stalk the neighbors kitty, we go to the library and walk circles around the stacks lugging various stuffed bears, we swing at the playground for hours on end, we go for walks and proclaim "DOGGIE" at the top of our lungs for each and every dog we pass. And we talk.
Oh, do we talk. For a while it was long strings of 'huminamijigakayakabugabagiba', then slowly a 'mommy' or 'daddy' was worked on to the end of the string. Now she'll issue little phrases; 'daddy sleeping', 'mommy shoe', 'daddy work', 'mo-mo pa'ta' (more pasta), 'mo-mo peeta' (more pretzels. You name it, she two word phrases it and once in a while let's loose with a string of nonsense. Typically issued with one hand on her hip and the other wagging its pointer finger at you.
It is a hoot like you can't even imagine. I just love this little bug and her awesomeness so much. Even when she wakes me up for the day at 4 am. Even when she scream cries at my feet while I'm trying to make dinner. It is just all good.
I always thought I would, but then an infant dropped into my lap and dear Jaysus, it was so not fun. I can see the challenge of the twos on the horizon, but I feel like if I can hold onto the knowledge that infancy ended, so too will the terrible twos and I will again love my child and her awesomeness.
Because, let me tell you, she is all kinds of awesome. From the moment she wakes up til the second she closes her eyes to sleep at night she is a non-stop party. We sing, we dance, we paint shit, we walk a toy shopping cart loaded up with stuffed doggies up and down the street, we stalk the neighbors kitty, we go to the library and walk circles around the stacks lugging various stuffed bears, we swing at the playground for hours on end, we go for walks and proclaim "DOGGIE" at the top of our lungs for each and every dog we pass. And we talk.
Oh, do we talk. For a while it was long strings of 'huminamijigakayakabugabagiba', then slowly a 'mommy' or 'daddy' was worked on to the end of the string. Now she'll issue little phrases; 'daddy sleeping', 'mommy shoe', 'daddy work', 'mo-mo pa'ta' (more pasta), 'mo-mo peeta' (more pretzels. You name it, she two word phrases it and once in a while let's loose with a string of nonsense. Typically issued with one hand on her hip and the other wagging its pointer finger at you.
It is a hoot like you can't even imagine. I just love this little bug and her awesomeness so much. Even when she wakes me up for the day at 4 am. Even when she scream cries at my feet while I'm trying to make dinner. It is just all good.
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