Between Myself

Lately a lot of thought has gone into jobs and money in this household. Ben has been in job contemplation mode since the summer of '09. I have been contemplating my professional future since having Ella 16 months ago. I think we both feel a desire to be fulfilled on many levels by our work, but lately, my thinking has switched to include the realistic element of earning money.

While we do fine during the school year, we will face a shortfall during the summer months when I'm not teaching. In the past I've always found some work, but looking back at what I've earned at those jobs, even something like that won't totally close the gap. What would is continuing to teach for most of June, July and August.

What I've also realized is that staying in this field may not be the best decision for our family. If I stay in it and stay at my current school, every year I will start the year not knowing how many students I will have and therefore I will not know how much I earn. There has been talk by the new head that he may cut the cost of lessons by around 20% and that would mean an equal pay cut for teachers. If I have a private studio only over the summer, I will need to recruit people each year - it seems less likely someone would want to do lessons over the summer and then nothing during the other 9 months of the year, so I anticipate retention being a bit of an issue. To keep private students during the school year I need a space in our home that I can use to teach without displacing my family, which is what would have to happen now. That leaves us not knowing what my income will be on an annual basis and the reality is my income is too important for us not to know how much it is going to be.

It will not be long before we need to live in a different space (hell, I'd say we need that right now). To move forward with our lives, possibly have another child (another topic I feel very between on), have room for our stuff and a functional kitchen all mean a bigger space, ideally one we own and that means a higher, more stable income. We are totally covered on the down payment end, just need to know we can afford the mortgage.

Where does that leave me? I am highly trained in this field. I have a kick ass CV with great experience. I'm smart. I'm talented. I have contacted people I know in the field to put my name out there. I've sent resumes cold to schools to see if there are any openings. No one is hiring, save for a possible 1 semester sabbatical replacement at a women's college.

How long does one hang on in a field that isn't giving you the opportunities you want? I finished graduate school in 2002 and so have been teaching for almost a decade (um, wow, now I feel kinda old). I'm at a point of feeling tired of stringing things together, receiving high praise from everyone I interact with, but not having the teaching situation I want.

All that said, the other option I've considered is going back into fund raising and working in development for an arts organization. Doing that would potentially solve all the issues I currently have - consistent and higher income; a few benefits, like retirement and paid vacation time; I'd have colleagues to work with and interact with daily ( the only people I currently see are my students and I want a social element to my job as well). But, those jobs would likely be full time and I walk away from this field that I've devoted so much time and energy to. That last thought hasn't felt very good yet.

I don't know where I'll end up in all this. I'm trying to tell myself to put it on the back burner until the school year ends in May and spend some time in the early summer assessing and seeing where to move (maybe by then my other half will know something about what his earnings/job will be and that will inform what I need to earn on an annual basis). However, as I started writing this at 6:30am after lying away thinking about it, I'm not quite succeeding in that. Stay tuned. Soonish I will no longer be between myself on this issue, I'm sure.

My New Babysitter

Oh, how the righteous have fallen. The child is watching television. Well, she's watching a DVD of the Wiggles. I never thought my kids would watch TV until they were at least 4 or 5 and then it would be Sesame Street or nothing. I had such lofty ideals. Then, my sister in law passed on her kid's copy of a Wiggles DVD, we got 70 inches of snow in about a month and in the interest of saving my sanity I agreed to let her watch it.

I can't stand listening to it. It grates on me. I don't mind the kids music CDs that we have, but this is not my favorite. However, she LOVES it. In fact, now, when in the living room, the first thing she does is run over to the entertainment center, pull on the knob and repeatedly say "yeah, yeah, yeah," at the top of her lungs which is how she tells you she wants something. If you say no, she cries. A lot. And you have to physically remove her from the room to keep it from going on.

The one advantage of this that I've discerned thus far is that I can put it on and then go in to get her dinner together and she is willing to watch it without me in the room. That also means she doesn't cling to my leg and sob while I put dinner together so I'll take it. On a few occasions I've put it in and then rolled out my yoga mat and done my practice next to her while she watches. If doing yoga to the Wiggles isn't the definition of practicing amidst the chaos, I don't know what is.

I realize that at a certain point she will just start watching television along with the rest of the free world, but I'm hoping to delay that a bit. Like, say, until the next 20 inch snow storm comes along. Then its all PBS, all day long.