Who doesn't love a little vacation in their lives? We are fortunate to a have a free getaway in my in-laws second home on Kezar Lake in Maine. This summer as we conserve our finances a bit, we decided to take full advantage of the family friendly spot and spend two different weeks here.
This is our solo week here. It has been the most gorgeous weather. When we arrived temps were 78 in the day and 54 at night. That is weather I can get behind. If somewhere has weather like that year round, I'd move there. I'm a fan.
For the first weekend we were joined by the LaRowe's, some of Ben's friends from college and their twin 3 year old girls. We swam, we boated, the Shorty slept little and it was a blast. Once all children were down for the night, we indulged in some good grillin' and had some amazing meals - among them, Grilled Chicken and peaches with chipotle peach dressing and grilled pork chops with cherry relish - both recipes are on epicurious.com
We've done small trips, called 'spotitions in our family, each day now that we are here alone. One day we went into North Conway and shopped for The Shorty's fall wardrobe - buying her clothes is WAY more fun than buying them for myself. Plus, you can get like 9 outfits for $100. We also went to the local nature preserve for a walk in the woods and yesterday hauled ourselves over to Bethlehem, NH so Ben could see where I grew up. The trip across 302 was spectacular. We could see the top of Mt. Washington and all the other mountains around.
Today we are awaiting the arrival of my mom who, bless her heart, offered to come up to do a few days of childcare so we could have some time to ourselves. Really, what I think we both ought to do first is take a long nap, but I suspect we'll go hiking, for boatrides, kayaking, swimming, play tennis and just enjoy ourselves some child-free time.
No question, vacation with a 9 month old is a very different experience than vacation with just two adults, but I don't think we'd change a thing. Having this place to come to where she has her own room with a crib, a rocker and space to play and we can be in our own room makes everything do-able. We are grateful and we are blessed for this vacation!!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tough
Yesterday I caught a few moments of MTV's show 'Teen Mom'. I saw a few episodes when pregnant and I was curious to see what has transpired for these girls since last year.
The show profiles 4 high school age girls who are pregnant and follows them through becoming new moms. Many of them now have children who are around the same age as the Shorty (according to when the show airs, I'm not sure what the delay from tape to air is).
As I watched I found myself having the same feeling I get when I read stories about infants and young children dying in horrible accidents or being diagnosed with cancer or whatever. It made me feel sick to my stomach. And that feeling was mostly in relation to the empathy I feel for the girls who are new moms.
I have a great marriage, a supportive family, my own place to live that is wonderful, a job I can earn good money at and it is STILL hard becoming a mom. I can't even fathom dealing with all this at age 17, 18, 19 when I'm still in high school, have a boyfriend who may or may not be present and supportive, parents who are probably not so in favor of me having a kid (and in one case, potentially heading off to jail) and no prospects for a job in the near future.
My heart just broke not only for the girls but also for their children as I wondered what kind of a life is ahead for them. I'm a big believer in children reflecting the kind of parents they have (anxious moms have more anxious children, laid back moms have more laid back kids etc.) You could see these little babies acting out and behaving in ways that have to be at least somewhat related to the world they experience around them.
All of that made me feeIt made me feel profoundly grateful for what I have in my marriage, my home, my extended family and my child. I know there are days that are hard for me and I'm not trying to discount anything that regular old grown ups go through in transitioning to parenthood, but this just put it all in perspective. I am able to create an environment in which the Shorty will thrive. I'm a pretty calm parent and I have a very calm baby.
The bottom line is I wanted to scoop them all up and hug them; talk with the moms and help them so they wouldn't feel like they were going through it alone and give the babies what they need in the way of structure and consistency so they can thrive.
No more of that show for me!!!
The show profiles 4 high school age girls who are pregnant and follows them through becoming new moms. Many of them now have children who are around the same age as the Shorty (according to when the show airs, I'm not sure what the delay from tape to air is).
As I watched I found myself having the same feeling I get when I read stories about infants and young children dying in horrible accidents or being diagnosed with cancer or whatever. It made me feel sick to my stomach. And that feeling was mostly in relation to the empathy I feel for the girls who are new moms.
I have a great marriage, a supportive family, my own place to live that is wonderful, a job I can earn good money at and it is STILL hard becoming a mom. I can't even fathom dealing with all this at age 17, 18, 19 when I'm still in high school, have a boyfriend who may or may not be present and supportive, parents who are probably not so in favor of me having a kid (and in one case, potentially heading off to jail) and no prospects for a job in the near future.
My heart just broke not only for the girls but also for their children as I wondered what kind of a life is ahead for them. I'm a big believer in children reflecting the kind of parents they have (anxious moms have more anxious children, laid back moms have more laid back kids etc.) You could see these little babies acting out and behaving in ways that have to be at least somewhat related to the world they experience around them.
All of that made me feeIt made me feel profoundly grateful for what I have in my marriage, my home, my extended family and my child. I know there are days that are hard for me and I'm not trying to discount anything that regular old grown ups go through in transitioning to parenthood, but this just put it all in perspective. I am able to create an environment in which the Shorty will thrive. I'm a pretty calm parent and I have a very calm baby.
The bottom line is I wanted to scoop them all up and hug them; talk with the moms and help them so they wouldn't feel like they were going through it alone and give the babies what they need in the way of structure and consistency so they can thrive.
No more of that show for me!!!
Friday, July 16, 2010
It must be me
What is it about me that I attract these working situations?
My last job, that I held for almost 7 years, came with a boss who was a disaster. He had zero interest in changing and making anything run better. The world was all about him and what was best for him. If I had a dollar for every time he tired to make me do a project that would put more money in his personal pocket...well, I'd have more than a handful of dollars now. There were issues in the program and I worked very hard to right them. We needed to brand the program and so I did. All our publications became unified, I had a logo designed, we got letterhead. We had a professional appearance. All for the good of the program. I wanted a boss who would meet with me weekly and be interested in what I had to bring and what I had to say. Instead I saw him once a semester and he was not interested in the least. Let's face it, he sucked.
Here I am, in my current consulting gig, working for a small non-profit foundation that wants to bring music in the form of a cappella to the school age populations who have had their music programs cut. I'm so all about that. Great idea, great cause. The program has been around for a few years, but it has floundered in a stop and start kind of way, working at some schools, not at others. It needs a review and a reflect phase before trying to build to understand what works and what doesn't. It needs a curriculum that teachers can use to teach urban youth about singing that will meet some of the standards set by the education world for teaching music. It needs an administrator who works more than 3 hours a week. It needs a guaranteed income source and budgeting talks that covers every possible expense that could be incurred. It needs a foundation that communicates and responds quickly.
Bottom line, it needs someone like me who can take in large amount of information, process it quickly and come up with a viable model to roll out and test. Every time I meet with the person in charge of this program's committee, it comes down to this: "we want 3 more schools and 3 more teachers by September". I don't think he sees the need to examine, reflect and learn from what has been past. He doesn't find a problem in sending college age students into an urban middle school to teach music with NO GUIDANCE. He fails to see value in looking at any one of the many music outreach programs in the Boston area to learn from their successes and failures before moving forward for this one.
They've contracted me for 60 hours of work. Do you know what I could do in 60 hours? More than hire 3 teachers and find 3 schools. But, that's what they want. I pushed back one more time this morning to see if they would go for me doing some work that might help this program in the long run, not just add more schools where teachers will fail and the program will falter after a year.
Sigh. What is it that I need to learn to keep from finding myself in these jobs?
My last job, that I held for almost 7 years, came with a boss who was a disaster. He had zero interest in changing and making anything run better. The world was all about him and what was best for him. If I had a dollar for every time he tired to make me do a project that would put more money in his personal pocket...well, I'd have more than a handful of dollars now. There were issues in the program and I worked very hard to right them. We needed to brand the program and so I did. All our publications became unified, I had a logo designed, we got letterhead. We had a professional appearance. All for the good of the program. I wanted a boss who would meet with me weekly and be interested in what I had to bring and what I had to say. Instead I saw him once a semester and he was not interested in the least. Let's face it, he sucked.
Here I am, in my current consulting gig, working for a small non-profit foundation that wants to bring music in the form of a cappella to the school age populations who have had their music programs cut. I'm so all about that. Great idea, great cause. The program has been around for a few years, but it has floundered in a stop and start kind of way, working at some schools, not at others. It needs a review and a reflect phase before trying to build to understand what works and what doesn't. It needs a curriculum that teachers can use to teach urban youth about singing that will meet some of the standards set by the education world for teaching music. It needs an administrator who works more than 3 hours a week. It needs a guaranteed income source and budgeting talks that covers every possible expense that could be incurred. It needs a foundation that communicates and responds quickly.
Bottom line, it needs someone like me who can take in large amount of information, process it quickly and come up with a viable model to roll out and test. Every time I meet with the person in charge of this program's committee, it comes down to this: "we want 3 more schools and 3 more teachers by September". I don't think he sees the need to examine, reflect and learn from what has been past. He doesn't find a problem in sending college age students into an urban middle school to teach music with NO GUIDANCE. He fails to see value in looking at any one of the many music outreach programs in the Boston area to learn from their successes and failures before moving forward for this one.
They've contracted me for 60 hours of work. Do you know what I could do in 60 hours? More than hire 3 teachers and find 3 schools. But, that's what they want. I pushed back one more time this morning to see if they would go for me doing some work that might help this program in the long run, not just add more schools where teachers will fail and the program will falter after a year.
Sigh. What is it that I need to learn to keep from finding myself in these jobs?
Friday, June 18, 2010
Taking Responsibility
In the days that have passed since the oil explosion in Florida, two articles have caught my eye and made me really think.
One was on NPR (I can't find it on their site now) where a reporter went to upstate NY to talk with people to see whether they felt any personal responsibility for the oil spill - by and large, they didn't. The other was an Op-Ed Column in the New York Times that also addresses the topic of responsibility - and was inspired by a letter a man wrote owning some responsibility for the dependence on oil, that creates situations like the drilling that went awry.
It is my belief that as individuals who drive cars we each bear some responsibility to what happened. As a society we don't seem to get it that oil is a finite resource. It isn't something that will just go on forever and ever. Regardless of where it comes from, we are overly dependent on it. It baffles me to see people driving giant SUV's and trucks (especially in the city, but that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish). What on earth makes someone buy a car that isn't fuel efficient? If you have 9 kids, I kinda get it, but if you have 3? What happened to station wagons and mini-vans? Why do we keep sending the message to car manufacturers that what they are making is a-okay for us?
There are so many elements that tie together for me in looking at the significance of this oil spill. It is time to address the level to which we have become fat, lazy Americans. Our bodies and lives have supersized as corporations sent us the message that they should. Dinner plates went from 9" to 12", our homes were scaled up to massive proportions, the standard deck-of-cards size serving of meat has more than doubled. In fact, fast food vendors even offered to 'super-size it' for us. It stands to reason then, that the evolution of the SUV went hand in hand with all that. The rise of wealth in the 80's and 90's meant more people with money to burn and a desire to show it off to the Joneses.
Now, we have a country full of people who never walk to do an errand, who rely on fast food full of unhealthy meat, chemicals and crap to feed a family, need big cars to accommodate their big asses as they drive to every place they need to go and are going to require major levels of health care to deal with the health issues that come with obesity and aging. And when we drive, we head out in big, huge vehicles that leave major carbon footprints.
I've also read the controversy over boycotting BP stations as they are owned individually and then a small business owner suffers. Well, I think it is time to question working for corporations that employ unethical practices - don't we each have a responsibility to question the ethics of places we are going to work and patronize? Perhaps these BP station owners would like to explore becoming retailers of biofuel or something else?
Why are we, as Americans, so resistant to letting go of our addiction to oil? Why are people meeting the Cape Wind project with lawsuit after lawsuit because it will mar their view or encroach on supposed tribal territory or simply add a few cents to the energy we pay for? Shouldn't we be saying 'great, let's go for it and let's explore how we can capture the energy of the ocean current at the same time to bring in wind and ocean energy together for even more power'?
It baffles me. I walk to do errands whenever possible. I keep the thermostat as low as my husband will allow so we conserve oil. I hang my laundry to dry. Lights are turned off when not in the room. Most things are plugged into power strips that can be turned off when not in use. I shop at the farmer's market to eat locally and organically when possible. Meat is consumed minimally and we don't eat red meat in this house to avoid the antibiotics and e-coli that come with cattle slaughtered when they are covered in the manure they've just stood in up to their bellies for their entire lives. For the most part I try to eat food, not food products each day. I exercise regularly to stay healthy.
Do I think I own part of the disaster in the gulf? You bet. Does it make me think twice when I get into my car to drive? Without a question. Am I motivated to use less energy and oil so we might leave a planet that isn't about to implode to my daughter and her children? Without a doubt.
What kind of responsibility do you accept?
One was on NPR (I can't find it on their site now) where a reporter went to upstate NY to talk with people to see whether they felt any personal responsibility for the oil spill - by and large, they didn't. The other was an Op-Ed Column in the New York Times that also addresses the topic of responsibility - and was inspired by a letter a man wrote owning some responsibility for the dependence on oil, that creates situations like the drilling that went awry.
It is my belief that as individuals who drive cars we each bear some responsibility to what happened. As a society we don't seem to get it that oil is a finite resource. It isn't something that will just go on forever and ever. Regardless of where it comes from, we are overly dependent on it. It baffles me to see people driving giant SUV's and trucks (especially in the city, but that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish). What on earth makes someone buy a car that isn't fuel efficient? If you have 9 kids, I kinda get it, but if you have 3? What happened to station wagons and mini-vans? Why do we keep sending the message to car manufacturers that what they are making is a-okay for us?
There are so many elements that tie together for me in looking at the significance of this oil spill. It is time to address the level to which we have become fat, lazy Americans. Our bodies and lives have supersized as corporations sent us the message that they should. Dinner plates went from 9" to 12", our homes were scaled up to massive proportions, the standard deck-of-cards size serving of meat has more than doubled. In fact, fast food vendors even offered to 'super-size it' for us. It stands to reason then, that the evolution of the SUV went hand in hand with all that. The rise of wealth in the 80's and 90's meant more people with money to burn and a desire to show it off to the Joneses.
Now, we have a country full of people who never walk to do an errand, who rely on fast food full of unhealthy meat, chemicals and crap to feed a family, need big cars to accommodate their big asses as they drive to every place they need to go and are going to require major levels of health care to deal with the health issues that come with obesity and aging. And when we drive, we head out in big, huge vehicles that leave major carbon footprints.
I've also read the controversy over boycotting BP stations as they are owned individually and then a small business owner suffers. Well, I think it is time to question working for corporations that employ unethical practices - don't we each have a responsibility to question the ethics of places we are going to work and patronize? Perhaps these BP station owners would like to explore becoming retailers of biofuel or something else?
Why are we, as Americans, so resistant to letting go of our addiction to oil? Why are people meeting the Cape Wind project with lawsuit after lawsuit because it will mar their view or encroach on supposed tribal territory or simply add a few cents to the energy we pay for? Shouldn't we be saying 'great, let's go for it and let's explore how we can capture the energy of the ocean current at the same time to bring in wind and ocean energy together for even more power'?
It baffles me. I walk to do errands whenever possible. I keep the thermostat as low as my husband will allow so we conserve oil. I hang my laundry to dry. Lights are turned off when not in the room. Most things are plugged into power strips that can be turned off when not in use. I shop at the farmer's market to eat locally and organically when possible. Meat is consumed minimally and we don't eat red meat in this house to avoid the antibiotics and e-coli that come with cattle slaughtered when they are covered in the manure they've just stood in up to their bellies for their entire lives. For the most part I try to eat food, not food products each day. I exercise regularly to stay healthy.
Do I think I own part of the disaster in the gulf? You bet. Does it make me think twice when I get into my car to drive? Without a question. Am I motivated to use less energy and oil so we might leave a planet that isn't about to implode to my daughter and her children? Without a doubt.
What kind of responsibility do you accept?
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
One Wish
If I had one wish for my daughter it would be that she never sprouts facial hair.
I know our culture is a bit obsessed with hair removal, but on the topic of facial hair I am so right there. I'm enculturated. I believe. I agree. And I admit I don't totally get it, but am willing to play along nicely.
Standard eyebrow waxes aside, there is something that transpires as one ages. It is the phenomenon of finding a 3 foot long whisker somewhere in your facial region, that you are sure wasn't there yesterday and don't understand how it didn't poke your train seatmate in the eye, blinding them. The phenomenon must be linked to the hormonal transitions a woman's body goes through as she ages. Though menopause isn't likely to hit until you are in your 50's the decline of estrogen is a slow, steady one. There must also be an element of genetics at play. Some people are just born more fuzzy than others. As a result of all this I don't know a woman over the age of 30 who hasn't invested in a good pair of tweezers and spent some time every morning surveying the landscape to see what may have grown overnight. God forbid you skip a day, because that's the day you'll find it in the middle of some important meeting and suddenly feel like there's a spotlight on your chin.
I wish for my daughter to not have to deal with all that. Sadly, though, given her genetics, she probably will. Maybe by the time she's 35 they'll have advanced laser removal and you will be able to just walk in and zap whatever you want, not discover it in the middle of the day and wonder how long it has been there and no one has told you.
If you just read this and said 'oh gross' it is because YOU AREN'T OLD ENOUGH. Or you are descended from some tribe of hairless individuals and I don't want to be your friend anymore.
I know our culture is a bit obsessed with hair removal, but on the topic of facial hair I am so right there. I'm enculturated. I believe. I agree. And I admit I don't totally get it, but am willing to play along nicely.
Standard eyebrow waxes aside, there is something that transpires as one ages. It is the phenomenon of finding a 3 foot long whisker somewhere in your facial region, that you are sure wasn't there yesterday and don't understand how it didn't poke your train seatmate in the eye, blinding them. The phenomenon must be linked to the hormonal transitions a woman's body goes through as she ages. Though menopause isn't likely to hit until you are in your 50's the decline of estrogen is a slow, steady one. There must also be an element of genetics at play. Some people are just born more fuzzy than others. As a result of all this I don't know a woman over the age of 30 who hasn't invested in a good pair of tweezers and spent some time every morning surveying the landscape to see what may have grown overnight. God forbid you skip a day, because that's the day you'll find it in the middle of some important meeting and suddenly feel like there's a spotlight on your chin.
I wish for my daughter to not have to deal with all that. Sadly, though, given her genetics, she probably will. Maybe by the time she's 35 they'll have advanced laser removal and you will be able to just walk in and zap whatever you want, not discover it in the middle of the day and wonder how long it has been there and no one has told you.
If you just read this and said 'oh gross' it is because YOU AREN'T OLD ENOUGH. Or you are descended from some tribe of hairless individuals and I don't want to be your friend anymore.
Friday, June 11, 2010
A meeting of my minds
Yes. Those. My two minds. The one that is educated, outspoken, progressive, a fan of women's rights and then the other that is a fan of all things pop culture; in particular the Real Housewives of Wherever....
I've watched them all, - OC, New York, Atlanta, New Jersey. Bravo recently aired a season of the New York housewives which I dvr'd and watched on the sly, knowing that the hubs has ZERO interest in any of what he would likely refer to as 'drivel'. The New Jersey ladies are just starting their new season.
I would be hard pressed to put my finger on what it is about the Real Housewives that I like. The women couldn't be further from who I am. Their lives couldn't be further than mine. Yet, I find it intriguing. In a train wreck kind of way. I start rubber necking at what I see on the screen and I can't turn away.
This morning as I started to watch the New York Reunion Part 1 episode my other mind decided to speak up. It didn't really have nice things to say. The reunion episode brings the housewives of each season together for a live look-back at the episodes. As is no shock, they focus on the conflict and what is shown in retrospect is brought to life with new vim and vigor in the studio. What my second mind began to shout at the first is, "They've made the grown up version of mean girls. Turn it off, turn it OFF, TURN IT OFF."
These women do nothing but snipe and back bite and bitch about each other. They pass judgment on how each other lives, on the choices they make in men, on the clothes they wear, on whether the other is crazy (Um, hello, pot? This is kettle....).
As soon as mind 2 shouted at mind 1 the whole damn thing just lost its appeal. I can't pretend anymore that I don't see the horrible message the show is sending to the world about women and their relationships. It paints women in an unflattering light and in particular, I think, hunts up these women who are bound to have conflict with each other, thus making for good TV for suckers like me.
So, I turned it off.
I've watched them all, - OC, New York, Atlanta, New Jersey. Bravo recently aired a season of the New York housewives which I dvr'd and watched on the sly, knowing that the hubs has ZERO interest in any of what he would likely refer to as 'drivel'. The New Jersey ladies are just starting their new season.
I would be hard pressed to put my finger on what it is about the Real Housewives that I like. The women couldn't be further from who I am. Their lives couldn't be further than mine. Yet, I find it intriguing. In a train wreck kind of way. I start rubber necking at what I see on the screen and I can't turn away.
This morning as I started to watch the New York Reunion Part 1 episode my other mind decided to speak up. It didn't really have nice things to say. The reunion episode brings the housewives of each season together for a live look-back at the episodes. As is no shock, they focus on the conflict and what is shown in retrospect is brought to life with new vim and vigor in the studio. What my second mind began to shout at the first is, "They've made the grown up version of mean girls. Turn it off, turn it OFF, TURN IT OFF."
These women do nothing but snipe and back bite and bitch about each other. They pass judgment on how each other lives, on the choices they make in men, on the clothes they wear, on whether the other is crazy (Um, hello, pot? This is kettle....).
As soon as mind 2 shouted at mind 1 the whole damn thing just lost its appeal. I can't pretend anymore that I don't see the horrible message the show is sending to the world about women and their relationships. It paints women in an unflattering light and in particular, I think, hunts up these women who are bound to have conflict with each other, thus making for good TV for suckers like me.
So, I turned it off.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Day One, Ground Zero
Yesterday was a big day. Got my voice examined to see what has happened since last July when my reflux was so bad that I couldn't sing above an E5. That reflux stayed throughout the pregnancy and continued a bit into nursing. Right now the biggest challenge comes from having to eat dinner so late because I don't start cooking until after I've put her down and not many hours elapse before I'm comatose for the night.
The good news is it was all good news. Structurally, things are fine. There is much less swelling and the inter-arytenoid area is only mildly red. The doctor was pretty pleased and also commented on how nice it all looked given what he usually sees.
The biggest challenge is how to get back to singing after being away for nearly 2 years. TWO YEARS. Wow, how did that happen? Well, I know how it happened, but still! My goal is to spend 10-15 minutes warming up most days of the week.
Today was day one. I put Ella in the living room where she could see me, surrounded by toys and headed to the piano. I did some laryngeal massage as I know my neck is tight from my shoulder/arm tension from holding her so much. Then I did some lip trills, slides and runs gradually extending from the A below middle C, up to F5. Since I have no gigs on the books, I'm not pushing anything.
I suspect this experience will feel a lot like going back to exercising after having a kid. In that, my body felt so very different and foreign.(SIDEBAR: Now, though, almost 8 months post-partum, I'm running farther, lifting on a more regular basis, have a waistline to speak of and am THIS CLOSE to getting into all of my old clothes again. Tops fit, but some pants are still not able to be buttoned up.) This morning it was another new experience of this body. Breathing is different, my ribs are different. I'm just different! So, I'm going to put on my persistent hat, celebrate the small victories and slowly return to being a singer without focusing on what I'm going to do with it, why I'm doing it or how I'm going to make it happen. It just will be.
The good news is it was all good news. Structurally, things are fine. There is much less swelling and the inter-arytenoid area is only mildly red. The doctor was pretty pleased and also commented on how nice it all looked given what he usually sees.
The biggest challenge is how to get back to singing after being away for nearly 2 years. TWO YEARS. Wow, how did that happen? Well, I know how it happened, but still! My goal is to spend 10-15 minutes warming up most days of the week.
Today was day one. I put Ella in the living room where she could see me, surrounded by toys and headed to the piano. I did some laryngeal massage as I know my neck is tight from my shoulder/arm tension from holding her so much. Then I did some lip trills, slides and runs gradually extending from the A below middle C, up to F5. Since I have no gigs on the books, I'm not pushing anything.
I suspect this experience will feel a lot like going back to exercising after having a kid. In that, my body felt so very different and foreign.(SIDEBAR: Now, though, almost 8 months post-partum, I'm running farther, lifting on a more regular basis, have a waistline to speak of and am THIS CLOSE to getting into all of my old clothes again. Tops fit, but some pants are still not able to be buttoned up.) This morning it was another new experience of this body. Breathing is different, my ribs are different. I'm just different! So, I'm going to put on my persistent hat, celebrate the small victories and slowly return to being a singer without focusing on what I'm going to do with it, why I'm doing it or how I'm going to make it happen. It just will be.
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