In my guilt free month, here's what I've done so far and what I've learned:
Lunch with a friend: Check, check and check. Last week I actually had two different lunch dates. It is lovely to reconnect with people and feel like you are a part of things again. It is something to work at as it isn't easy to schedule when my time is limited, but is very worth it. Kat and I have picked a day to get together too, though we haven't decided exactly what, yet.
Engage in activities that give me joy:
I've done yoga several times this week at home. A class continues to be problematic, so I'm on the hunt for one to just try out. I've sung a bit, but my March cold hit me hard and I still have a dry cough and vocal cords that show the results. This weekend I've got a lesson scheduled and from there will decide whether or not to go to the Laryngologist to be looked at. I've also been doing some of the Artist's Way, and have found it helpful - mostly morning pages at this point and the first chapter of the book. My resolution to perform this year is coming along a bit as I've identified some music I want to sing and have some other stuff to look through with the pianist once I get my voice up and running again.
Schedule time for girly upkeep.
Done. Went to get my eyebrows done and scheduled a follow up for this month. I know I need to get my haircut too since I can't remember the last time I did that, but I'm going to wait until I'm done teaching and have time during the week to go.
Try something new:
I've tried several new recipes, but I realize what I really meant by the try something new thing was to do something by myself that is new. So that still has yet to happen. Maybe it will be a yoga class and I'll kill two birds with one stone?
Have a date night at least once:
We did that this past weekend with a night out for Sushi (first one since Barf Fest Nov '10 the night before which Sushi was consumed by the Hubs and he hasn't been able to touch it since). It was so nice to sit with a glass of wine, out in public and dine with no child around. We then went to hear a symphony play and ended the night by walking through the Pru and stopped in the BodyShop where I got some Shea butter lotion to try and calm my ridiculously dry, awful skin.
Technically we have another date night this coming week because it is parent's night at the Shorty's daycare and I tacked an hour on to the request to the sitter so we can go get a drink after. And we already have one for May because my inlaws offered us their Symphony tickets to hear Berlioz's Romeo and Juliet.
All in all it has been a pretty good month. There's a lot of change looming on the horizon, but I hope it will come to fruition soon as we feel ready to move on. I'm done teaching in about 2 weeks and will take the remainder of May to unwind and then teach summer students through to August (unless we are moving). In the fall I've been offered a job at Wellesley teaching for one semester and I'm excited to do that. It will add one day on to my two days of teaching at Harvard and could lead to good things, my instincts tell me. The issue of the second child is also up for debate, but we need to solidify some other things first.
In terms of last month's things, I've kept up and the kiddo has been sleeping better so that has helped (save for this last week's bad cold/teeth). I've been reading (just finished The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind, exercising as I can - Jillian Michael's 30 day shred, run a mile, go to the gym, we've been out of the house a lot and it is all good! I also got a pill organizer (hello, I'm an 80 year old woman) and put in my multivitamin, calcium, Vit D, and Flax so I have a better shot at remembering to take them. So far so good for 3 out of 4 days. I've also been meditating and find it makes an amazing difference. If done at lunch on a work day, the afternoon goes so much better. If done in the morning before being home with the Shorty, the day is far more enjoyable.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Woah
I found myself doing a little math over the weekend.
On Friday I went to meet with a woman who talked with me about a possible job. I really liked her and think, in many ways, she could be a fabulous boss and mentor for me as I walk through this next part of my life.
Here's where the math comes in. The job is full time and when I calculated the cost of having two children in daycare while I worked full time, I arrived at the shocking figure of $42,000 dollars per year. G.U.L.P.
Overall, I don't want to be working full time while we have young children and who knows if we'll have a second, but that is the general plan and it will likely happen sometime in the next year, otherwise my ovaries will be shrunken and gone. I have to make some calls to other daycare centers in towns we may move to, to see if their costs are any lower, but I'm guessing they aren't by a significant enough margin. Sooooooo, that pretty much puts that particular job in the 'no' category.
On Friday I went to meet with a woman who talked with me about a possible job. I really liked her and think, in many ways, she could be a fabulous boss and mentor for me as I walk through this next part of my life.
Here's where the math comes in. The job is full time and when I calculated the cost of having two children in daycare while I worked full time, I arrived at the shocking figure of $42,000 dollars per year. G.U.L.P.
Overall, I don't want to be working full time while we have young children and who knows if we'll have a second, but that is the general plan and it will likely happen sometime in the next year, otherwise my ovaries will be shrunken and gone. I have to make some calls to other daycare centers in towns we may move to, to see if their costs are any lower, but I'm guessing they aren't by a significant enough margin. Sooooooo, that pretty much puts that particular job in the 'no' category.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Put yer own oxygen mask on first
That is the subject of this month's happiness project and by April 30, I hope to add a tag line of "how I got over feeling guilty".
Happy wife, happy life, they say or happy mommy, happy baby. Yet, when I think about doing things for myself, I often shy away because I feel guilty - for asking for time away, for spending money on a non-necessity etc etc. When I do finally have time to myself I feel like I should rush through it so I can get back home where I have responsibilities.
So, if I imagined a guilt free world, here's what it would look like and I'll attempt this for the month of April.
Have lunch once a week with a friend - I started this one a week early by seeing my friend Julie and loved catching up with her. I'll add to this one to get together and do something fun with Kat once this month.
Engage in activities that give me joy no matter how long it has been since I've done them or when I'll get to do them again: Try different yoga classes and teachers. Sing something every week.
I've always been someone who sticks with what they know, yet I love trying and learning new things. Stepping out of my self constructed box and trying new things in this world could mean: taking a hot yoga class (so I might throw up, who cares?), trying a yin yoga class or a vinyasa class. Singing has been a challenge usually due to time but of late because of illness and the length of time it is taking me to get healthy. Hopefully I'm on the upswing and will be capable of vocalizing this month.
Schedule time for those girly upkeep things like haircuts and eyebrows.
I always feel guilty asking for time on the weekends, but am then miserable when I don't do anything or get some time alone. Perhaps if I put those items on the calendar they will happen and I won't feel badly about them.
Try out something totally new.
Maybe it is a concert, or listening to a new kind of music, going to the rock climbing gym, making a new recipe or doing a class. Who knows, just try it.
Have date night at least once this month.
Most nights during the week we see each other for some length of time, but it is brief and not devoted to each other and involves things like bathing the child, cleaning up the kitchen or sitting comatose in front of the tube. So time doing something we enjoy is a good way to reconnect and is something that has to be prioritized or it won't happen.
Happy wife, happy life, they say or happy mommy, happy baby. Yet, when I think about doing things for myself, I often shy away because I feel guilty - for asking for time away, for spending money on a non-necessity etc etc. When I do finally have time to myself I feel like I should rush through it so I can get back home where I have responsibilities.
So, if I imagined a guilt free world, here's what it would look like and I'll attempt this for the month of April.
Have lunch once a week with a friend - I started this one a week early by seeing my friend Julie and loved catching up with her. I'll add to this one to get together and do something fun with Kat once this month.
Engage in activities that give me joy no matter how long it has been since I've done them or when I'll get to do them again: Try different yoga classes and teachers. Sing something every week.
I've always been someone who sticks with what they know, yet I love trying and learning new things. Stepping out of my self constructed box and trying new things in this world could mean: taking a hot yoga class (so I might throw up, who cares?), trying a yin yoga class or a vinyasa class. Singing has been a challenge usually due to time but of late because of illness and the length of time it is taking me to get healthy. Hopefully I'm on the upswing and will be capable of vocalizing this month.
Schedule time for those girly upkeep things like haircuts and eyebrows.
I always feel guilty asking for time on the weekends, but am then miserable when I don't do anything or get some time alone. Perhaps if I put those items on the calendar they will happen and I won't feel badly about them.
Try out something totally new.
Maybe it is a concert, or listening to a new kind of music, going to the rock climbing gym, making a new recipe or doing a class. Who knows, just try it.
Have date night at least once this month.
Most nights during the week we see each other for some length of time, but it is brief and not devoted to each other and involves things like bathing the child, cleaning up the kitchen or sitting comatose in front of the tube. So time doing something we enjoy is a good way to reconnect and is something that has to be prioritized or it won't happen.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I surrender. I can change.
It is the end of month one, ENERGY month. Here's the roundup of it went:
**Instead of ...cleaning up...organizing...doing data entry...watching tv...doing laundry, LIE DOWN and try to nap.** I did this a few times. Twice I napped and once I just lay down for a while. In general, the Shorty has slept better so I've been able to sleep through the night as well and my need for napping has been less. An off shoot of this was the decision to watch much less television. While home on maternity leave I got used to DVRing a bunch of shows so I'd have something to do while the little one slept or nursed, but that habit continued. I don't need it and don't want it anymore, so it has gone away.
**Always have a good book to read**
This has been a resounding success. I've read four books and am most of the way through another. What I've read: THE ISLAND, SUPER RICH, A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES, POSER and am almost done with MOMMA ZEN. I do so love getting lost in a good story, so three of the books provided that. The other two have been food for thought, so to speak.
**Go to bed when you are tired, no matter what time it is**
This is hard, but not for the reasons I initially thought. It just takes time to do stuff at night. Get organized, get the Shorty's lunch together, have dinner, talk with the Hubs, return emails, calls etc. Some nights I've turned in 15 minutes early, but again, with the better night's sleep, I don't feel as though I need to go to bed earlier.
**Get out of the house every day**
This has also been a success. Nicer weather helps to facilitate, so did a week in Florida. Just this week on Monday we went to a play space from 10-11 and then for a walk up to the library at 2, and back by way of having a snack at the local coffee shop. Nicer weather is just the best.
**On the subject of eating:
Return to a low sugar diet
Return to eating minimal processed foods
Take time to get something healthy - walk all the way past the pantry to the refrigerator
Drink enough water and start the day with a glass of warm water**
My diet is lower sugar, but not no sugar as it was in the past. I've worked hard to drink more water and often succeed. I've tried to plan a good balance of vegetarian and non-vegetarian meals and have leftovers for lunch - I love a substantial lunch and sandwiches have never been my favorite. I would say I'm more aware of the choices I'm making which is good.
**On the topic of exercise:
Walk instead of drive
Go to the gym when I can
Go to a yoga class every week
Fit in a few days a week of home yoga practice**
I have walked places when I can. The gym continues to be a challenge. There's one day of the week and one day of the weekend when I know I can go. Once the weather is good enough to be out on the days I'm home, I won't care as much. I have found a yoga class and have gone several times on the weeks we are home. One big realization was that the time I have free is after Ella goes to bed. I'm trying to incorporate yoga and meditation into my daily life and that's the time it is apt to have to happen. So we'll see if I can do it.
**Act like I have more energy**
There were definitely moments that I needed to do this and tried.
Overall, this month was as much about consciousness raising as anything. I've taken to adopting mantras on various occasions. The one in the title was today's, in reaction to what I read in Momma Zen and it was the focus of my meditation at lunch. I feel as though I have become an observer of myself and am frequently present enough to be aware of what I'm saying and how I could choose another path.
So that's that. Up next, Putting My Own Oxygen Mask On First.
**Instead of ...cleaning up...organizing...doing data entry...watching tv...doing laundry, LIE DOWN and try to nap.** I did this a few times. Twice I napped and once I just lay down for a while. In general, the Shorty has slept better so I've been able to sleep through the night as well and my need for napping has been less. An off shoot of this was the decision to watch much less television. While home on maternity leave I got used to DVRing a bunch of shows so I'd have something to do while the little one slept or nursed, but that habit continued. I don't need it and don't want it anymore, so it has gone away.
**Always have a good book to read**
This has been a resounding success. I've read four books and am most of the way through another. What I've read: THE ISLAND, SUPER RICH, A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES, POSER and am almost done with MOMMA ZEN. I do so love getting lost in a good story, so three of the books provided that. The other two have been food for thought, so to speak.
**Go to bed when you are tired, no matter what time it is**
This is hard, but not for the reasons I initially thought. It just takes time to do stuff at night. Get organized, get the Shorty's lunch together, have dinner, talk with the Hubs, return emails, calls etc. Some nights I've turned in 15 minutes early, but again, with the better night's sleep, I don't feel as though I need to go to bed earlier.
**Get out of the house every day**
This has also been a success. Nicer weather helps to facilitate, so did a week in Florida. Just this week on Monday we went to a play space from 10-11 and then for a walk up to the library at 2, and back by way of having a snack at the local coffee shop. Nicer weather is just the best.
**On the subject of eating:
Return to a low sugar diet
Return to eating minimal processed foods
Take time to get something healthy - walk all the way past the pantry to the refrigerator
Drink enough water and start the day with a glass of warm water**
My diet is lower sugar, but not no sugar as it was in the past. I've worked hard to drink more water and often succeed. I've tried to plan a good balance of vegetarian and non-vegetarian meals and have leftovers for lunch - I love a substantial lunch and sandwiches have never been my favorite. I would say I'm more aware of the choices I'm making which is good.
**On the topic of exercise:
Walk instead of drive
Go to the gym when I can
Go to a yoga class every week
Fit in a few days a week of home yoga practice**
I have walked places when I can. The gym continues to be a challenge. There's one day of the week and one day of the weekend when I know I can go. Once the weather is good enough to be out on the days I'm home, I won't care as much. I have found a yoga class and have gone several times on the weeks we are home. One big realization was that the time I have free is after Ella goes to bed. I'm trying to incorporate yoga and meditation into my daily life and that's the time it is apt to have to happen. So we'll see if I can do it.
**Act like I have more energy**
There were definitely moments that I needed to do this and tried.
Overall, this month was as much about consciousness raising as anything. I've taken to adopting mantras on various occasions. The one in the title was today's, in reaction to what I read in Momma Zen and it was the focus of my meditation at lunch. I feel as though I have become an observer of myself and am frequently present enough to be aware of what I'm saying and how I could choose another path.
So that's that. Up next, Putting My Own Oxygen Mask On First.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Avidya
As usual, yoga journal has offered me an illuminating moment.
This month's wisdom column by Sally Kempton called "Who do you think you are" addresses the idea that we all have perceptions of who we are that actually limit us. Avidya is the yogic term for a basic ignorance about who we are and it makes us believe that the way we think or feel is reality. However, Kempton points out, we can step aside from those perceptions, see past them and liberate ourselves.
For me, this spoke so directly to my experience of motherhood. Having a child suddenly thrust me into this place of wondering who I was. The way I had identified myself in the past - professional, athletic, singer were all labels that no longer held up. I was not working full time. I was not exercising regularly and I wasn't singing. What I was, was miserable. When I couldn't fit myself into my previously held labels I struggled. I floundered and I felt like I had lost myself.
It all peaked for me in January of this year when I was stuck inside due to snow and illness. My semester of teaching was start and stop at best, there was no way to get out to go for even a short walk and I was mis.er.a.ble. I had so many moments of thinking I wanted to leave my life. Just walk out the door and go somewhere. I really have no idea where it was I thought I'd go, but in my mind, there was somewhere lovely and warm where I could sleep soundly, do whatever I wanted for days on end and not have a child who was unendingly needy and clingy while going through whatever illness, teething and whatnot.
That month was what brought me to knowing I needed to address all of the changes of the last two years and the backlash I was experiencing. Who would have ever thought that good fortune could cause misery? Okay, some of you could have told me that, I'm sure, but it certainly caught me by surprise.
It lead me to the happiness project. My project is largely informed by yoga and this article helps me to understand why. I can change all of the exteriors in my life, but it is what is on the inside that makes us happy or not. Making changes to places that are not working is important, but it isn't going to bring you lasting happiness, as I understand it.
So, as long as I hold onto the labels that 'helped' me in the past, I'm going to come up short. True Vidya is wisdom (and the opposite of Avidya). It is the moment when we realize we are connected to everything around us, that who we are is a divine spirit, not these earthly labels that do nothing but box us in. We are so much more than we believe ourselves to be.
Recognizing the Avidya is the first step. I have had many moments in month one of the happiness project where I feel as though I'm standing aside observing myself. "Really," I'll wonder, do you need to get short fused over the Shorty's crying? You could choose to react differently." Or in an interaction with the Hubs, I'll find myself thinking "you know, that wasn't the most charitable response, you can do better than that." It has been interesting to say the least.
I've been meditating at least 5 days a week and some days are more enlightening than others (I still fall asleep sometimes with the lunchtime meditation). One day I came out of meditation realizing that I have in no way recognized what a powerful person I am, that I am so much more capable than I give myself credit for. When I shared this at the dinner table, the Hubs responded "that's what I've been trying to tell you."
Another suggestion Kempton makes in the article is that the thoughts you have in your head when you first wake up shape how your day is going to go. So, when I awaken, rather than turning to how tired I feel, I think "I'm going to have a great day" or try to put some energy into being grateful for the sleep I did get.
I know my patterns of 37 years aren't going to go quietly into that good night, but I think the recognitions I've made are a major step forward. Through recognizing my avidya, I can begin to be aware, make some small changes and when I ask the question, "What is the real source of happiness?" I suspect the answer will be different than it ever was in the past.
This month's wisdom column by Sally Kempton called "Who do you think you are" addresses the idea that we all have perceptions of who we are that actually limit us. Avidya is the yogic term for a basic ignorance about who we are and it makes us believe that the way we think or feel is reality. However, Kempton points out, we can step aside from those perceptions, see past them and liberate ourselves.
For me, this spoke so directly to my experience of motherhood. Having a child suddenly thrust me into this place of wondering who I was. The way I had identified myself in the past - professional, athletic, singer were all labels that no longer held up. I was not working full time. I was not exercising regularly and I wasn't singing. What I was, was miserable. When I couldn't fit myself into my previously held labels I struggled. I floundered and I felt like I had lost myself.
It all peaked for me in January of this year when I was stuck inside due to snow and illness. My semester of teaching was start and stop at best, there was no way to get out to go for even a short walk and I was mis.er.a.ble. I had so many moments of thinking I wanted to leave my life. Just walk out the door and go somewhere. I really have no idea where it was I thought I'd go, but in my mind, there was somewhere lovely and warm where I could sleep soundly, do whatever I wanted for days on end and not have a child who was unendingly needy and clingy while going through whatever illness, teething and whatnot.
That month was what brought me to knowing I needed to address all of the changes of the last two years and the backlash I was experiencing. Who would have ever thought that good fortune could cause misery? Okay, some of you could have told me that, I'm sure, but it certainly caught me by surprise.
It lead me to the happiness project. My project is largely informed by yoga and this article helps me to understand why. I can change all of the exteriors in my life, but it is what is on the inside that makes us happy or not. Making changes to places that are not working is important, but it isn't going to bring you lasting happiness, as I understand it.
So, as long as I hold onto the labels that 'helped' me in the past, I'm going to come up short. True Vidya is wisdom (and the opposite of Avidya). It is the moment when we realize we are connected to everything around us, that who we are is a divine spirit, not these earthly labels that do nothing but box us in. We are so much more than we believe ourselves to be.
Recognizing the Avidya is the first step. I have had many moments in month one of the happiness project where I feel as though I'm standing aside observing myself. "Really," I'll wonder, do you need to get short fused over the Shorty's crying? You could choose to react differently." Or in an interaction with the Hubs, I'll find myself thinking "you know, that wasn't the most charitable response, you can do better than that." It has been interesting to say the least.
I've been meditating at least 5 days a week and some days are more enlightening than others (I still fall asleep sometimes with the lunchtime meditation). One day I came out of meditation realizing that I have in no way recognized what a powerful person I am, that I am so much more capable than I give myself credit for. When I shared this at the dinner table, the Hubs responded "that's what I've been trying to tell you."
Another suggestion Kempton makes in the article is that the thoughts you have in your head when you first wake up shape how your day is going to go. So, when I awaken, rather than turning to how tired I feel, I think "I'm going to have a great day" or try to put some energy into being grateful for the sleep I did get.
I know my patterns of 37 years aren't going to go quietly into that good night, but I think the recognitions I've made are a major step forward. Through recognizing my avidya, I can begin to be aware, make some small changes and when I ask the question, "What is the real source of happiness?" I suspect the answer will be different than it ever was in the past.
Monday, March 21, 2011
When the student is ready the teacher appears
As the happiness project moves forward, several interesting things have happened. I've started to see several things over and over again - which tells me first to pay attention and second, that I'm ready for the information that is coming my way.
On three different occasions I've encountered articles and books that talk about meditation and mantra. Each of them encourage using meditation as a way of clearing out the inner gunk that gets in the way of genuine happiness, which lives inside of all of us. A few have suggested mantra as a way of flipping negative thinking on its head and reframing into something positive.
So, I've decided to try incorporating meditation into my day. I've realized that doing things in the morning as I'd like is unlikely, but I do have hours at night after the Shorty is in bed. So, as of right now, I'm going to curtail activities at 9pm and spend time doing yoga and meditation in my last hour before bed.
I've also tried out a few mantras - while on vacation, my mantra was "I don't care, I'm on vacation" - that helped when the Shorty woke up with a fever on the day we left and proceeded to have a major cold and conjunctivitis that she passed on to me. In terms of regular life, I frequently chant "I love my job and have a boss I respect and admire" and "we live in a home we love that we own."
In my surfing around online I found a book that I'm about to start reading called "Momma Zen, walking the crooked path of motherhood", the summary for the book really resonated and, frankly, I could use a little more zen, particularly in the 5pm-7pm range of life.
So, that's the scoop. I'm feeling a bit more energetic after a week in the warm sun and being able to be outside daily since being home. The kiddo is in a good sleep phase of 7pm-7am and so am I!
On three different occasions I've encountered articles and books that talk about meditation and mantra. Each of them encourage using meditation as a way of clearing out the inner gunk that gets in the way of genuine happiness, which lives inside of all of us. A few have suggested mantra as a way of flipping negative thinking on its head and reframing into something positive.
So, I've decided to try incorporating meditation into my day. I've realized that doing things in the morning as I'd like is unlikely, but I do have hours at night after the Shorty is in bed. So, as of right now, I'm going to curtail activities at 9pm and spend time doing yoga and meditation in my last hour before bed.
I've also tried out a few mantras - while on vacation, my mantra was "I don't care, I'm on vacation" - that helped when the Shorty woke up with a fever on the day we left and proceeded to have a major cold and conjunctivitis that she passed on to me. In terms of regular life, I frequently chant "I love my job and have a boss I respect and admire" and "we live in a home we love that we own."
In my surfing around online I found a book that I'm about to start reading called "Momma Zen, walking the crooked path of motherhood", the summary for the book really resonated and, frankly, I could use a little more zen, particularly in the 5pm-7pm range of life.
So, that's the scoop. I'm feeling a bit more energetic after a week in the warm sun and being able to be outside daily since being home. The kiddo is in a good sleep phase of 7pm-7am and so am I!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Week 1
It is the end of week one of my energy portion of the happiness project. I decided that the first week of every month is going to be about observing to really see my behavior and then the following 3 weeks will be about trying to modify things.
I'm happy to say I napped twice. I'm sorry to say that the naps were more necessary than I wished due to not having a single night of uninterrupted sleep during the week. Last night was the best night when I got to sleep from about 10:15pm-5am AND I napped from 12-1 in the afternoon today. I have energy tonight in a way I don't usually. Really, I need about 8 hours of sleep and even on one of the Shorty's good nights I end up about an hour short. I did really pay attention to how I felt and am more convinced than ever of the effect not enough sleep has on me = go to very dark, yucky emotional place when undercooked sleep-wise.
I haven't had a book to read this week, but I did put one down that I started and didn't like which was not what I would have done in the past. I have a request from the library to pick up and will also get a few books to take on vacation with me.
In terms of getting out of the house, Friday was staring me down like a wide open sink hole. I was exhausted but knew hanging around inside would just suck me down further so we piled in the car and went to NH to visit my mom. It was the perfect way to spend the day. It was even nice enough to walk outside - two wins!
Eating. Ah, eating. I can really see now how in the habit I am of grabbing crackers as a snack. I've worked at getting fruit out of the plastic grocery bags and keeping the refrigerator somewhat organized so things are reachable. I also bought Greek style yogurt which is loaded with protein and will hopefully keep me full a little longer. I've also found some possible solutions to the dinner/tantrum dilemma and at the top of the list is to leave the little bugger at daycare longer so I can get dinner prepared without someone scream crying at my feet. I still ate sugary things, but less so and definitely felt better. There's work to be done on the water consumption but it was better this week.
For exercise, I was able to walk outside several days with the kiddo and went to the gym on Tuesday morning. Thursday night I was so tired that I didn't go to yoga (was also feeling horrible from getting my period - more on that in a bit), but did do some small home practice during the week. The thought of nicer weather makes me happy. Getting in a half hour walk is enough for me. I'm not training for anything or even holding onto aspirations of being über fit at this point.
Act like I have more energy...that's a tough one. I remember my mom saying to me once "well, Sarah, one always knows where they stand with you." I'm sure that wasn't meant in an entirely nice way, but it is true. I have a hard time faking an emotion I don't feel. I did attempt cheer a few times when there was wailing in the home, but a few times I gave in and allowed my frustration to show. In general I'm trying to turn up the positive talk to silence the negativity that starts to shout when I am overtired.
One of my commandments is to identify a problem as you have a better chance of finding a solution. After having the Shorty I got an IUD. It seemed like the perfect thing. My intention was to leave it in until I wanted to get pregnant again, or not, but either way I was covered for up to 10 years. Score. Except, it has made my periods unbearable emotionally and physically. So, after suffering through this week, I realized I didn't need to keep suffering and I could just get the sucker removed. Scheduled for March 22. Done.
Another problem I identified is the child's poor sleep and the relation to frequent bouts with middle of the night starvation We eat a pretty low fat diet in this house and so does the child. So, I decided to see about incorporating some more fat into her diet, particularly at night to try and keep her little tummy a little fuller overnight. It is hard to come up with non-sugary fat heavy treats, but butter on the bread, salmon with lemon dill sauce and chocolate pudding were all added in this weekend and she slept better than she has all week.
The bed was made most days, but not every one. I did do better with doing tasks that take less than a minute - putting clothes away at night, taking the recycling out on my way to pick up, etc.
All in all it was an interesting week. On to week two.
I'm happy to say I napped twice. I'm sorry to say that the naps were more necessary than I wished due to not having a single night of uninterrupted sleep during the week. Last night was the best night when I got to sleep from about 10:15pm-5am AND I napped from 12-1 in the afternoon today. I have energy tonight in a way I don't usually. Really, I need about 8 hours of sleep and even on one of the Shorty's good nights I end up about an hour short. I did really pay attention to how I felt and am more convinced than ever of the effect not enough sleep has on me = go to very dark, yucky emotional place when undercooked sleep-wise.
I haven't had a book to read this week, but I did put one down that I started and didn't like which was not what I would have done in the past. I have a request from the library to pick up and will also get a few books to take on vacation with me.
In terms of getting out of the house, Friday was staring me down like a wide open sink hole. I was exhausted but knew hanging around inside would just suck me down further so we piled in the car and went to NH to visit my mom. It was the perfect way to spend the day. It was even nice enough to walk outside - two wins!
Eating. Ah, eating. I can really see now how in the habit I am of grabbing crackers as a snack. I've worked at getting fruit out of the plastic grocery bags and keeping the refrigerator somewhat organized so things are reachable. I also bought Greek style yogurt which is loaded with protein and will hopefully keep me full a little longer. I've also found some possible solutions to the dinner/tantrum dilemma and at the top of the list is to leave the little bugger at daycare longer so I can get dinner prepared without someone scream crying at my feet. I still ate sugary things, but less so and definitely felt better. There's work to be done on the water consumption but it was better this week.
For exercise, I was able to walk outside several days with the kiddo and went to the gym on Tuesday morning. Thursday night I was so tired that I didn't go to yoga (was also feeling horrible from getting my period - more on that in a bit), but did do some small home practice during the week. The thought of nicer weather makes me happy. Getting in a half hour walk is enough for me. I'm not training for anything or even holding onto aspirations of being über fit at this point.
Act like I have more energy...that's a tough one. I remember my mom saying to me once "well, Sarah, one always knows where they stand with you." I'm sure that wasn't meant in an entirely nice way, but it is true. I have a hard time faking an emotion I don't feel. I did attempt cheer a few times when there was wailing in the home, but a few times I gave in and allowed my frustration to show. In general I'm trying to turn up the positive talk to silence the negativity that starts to shout when I am overtired.
One of my commandments is to identify a problem as you have a better chance of finding a solution. After having the Shorty I got an IUD. It seemed like the perfect thing. My intention was to leave it in until I wanted to get pregnant again, or not, but either way I was covered for up to 10 years. Score. Except, it has made my periods unbearable emotionally and physically. So, after suffering through this week, I realized I didn't need to keep suffering and I could just get the sucker removed. Scheduled for March 22. Done.
Another problem I identified is the child's poor sleep and the relation to frequent bouts with middle of the night starvation We eat a pretty low fat diet in this house and so does the child. So, I decided to see about incorporating some more fat into her diet, particularly at night to try and keep her little tummy a little fuller overnight. It is hard to come up with non-sugary fat heavy treats, but butter on the bread, salmon with lemon dill sauce and chocolate pudding were all added in this weekend and she slept better than she has all week.
The bed was made most days, but not every one. I did do better with doing tasks that take less than a minute - putting clothes away at night, taking the recycling out on my way to pick up, etc.
All in all it was an interesting week. On to week two.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)