Over the weekend I made a big realization. The balance has tipped in the parenting department. I'm finally at a point where the good is outweighing the challenging. With a 20 month old I'm finally starting to feel like I enjoy this parenting thing.
I always thought I would, but then an infant dropped into my lap and dear Jaysus, it was so not fun. I can see the challenge of the twos on the horizon, but I feel like if I can hold onto the knowledge that infancy ended, so too will the terrible twos and I will again love my child and her awesomeness.
Because, let me tell you, she is all kinds of awesome. From the moment she wakes up til the second she closes her eyes to sleep at night she is a non-stop party. We sing, we dance, we paint shit, we walk a toy shopping cart loaded up with stuffed doggies up and down the street, we stalk the neighbors kitty, we go to the library and walk circles around the stacks lugging various stuffed bears, we swing at the playground for hours on end, we go for walks and proclaim "DOGGIE" at the top of our lungs for each and every dog we pass. And we talk.
Oh, do we talk. For a while it was long strings of 'huminamijigakayakabugabagiba', then slowly a 'mommy' or 'daddy' was worked on to the end of the string. Now she'll issue little phrases; 'daddy sleeping', 'mommy shoe', 'daddy work', 'mo-mo pa'ta' (more pasta), 'mo-mo peeta' (more pretzels. You name it, she two word phrases it and once in a while let's loose with a string of nonsense. Typically issued with one hand on her hip and the other wagging its pointer finger at you.
It is a hoot like you can't even imagine. I just love this little bug and her awesomeness so much. Even when she wakes me up for the day at 4 am. Even when she scream cries at my feet while I'm trying to make dinner. It is just all good.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Coupon Craze
Several people I'm connected to on Facebook have joined in with the extreme couponers and like to post the results of their shopping trips - 125 boxes of pasta for $2, a package of hair dye for $.99! - they proclaim, posting pictures of their haul.
I'm struggling to understand the value of shopping this way. I wonder if these are products they use or if they're purchasing them because they are on sale and then also need to go out and buy the things they actually need?
I've read articles where people have cleared the shelves of a Walgreens of all toilet paper just because they can get it for a penny (or something like that). Why? It seems like this concept can just create another obsessive disorder where people buy huge quantities of shit and don't know what to do with it. I guarantee none of these people are urban dwellers who live in small spaces.
There's also this thing called "greed" that keeps popping into my mind. If you are clearing shelves of items aren't you denying someone else the chance to get something that they need. Does anyone need THAT much toilet paper in their house?
It also seems like most of the grocery coupons that they brag about are for processed, crappy food. So, great, you have 900 cans of spaghettios, but you are none the healthier for it.
I dunno, the whole thing is just a bit beyond me.
I'm struggling to understand the value of shopping this way. I wonder if these are products they use or if they're purchasing them because they are on sale and then also need to go out and buy the things they actually need?
I've read articles where people have cleared the shelves of a Walgreens of all toilet paper just because they can get it for a penny (or something like that). Why? It seems like this concept can just create another obsessive disorder where people buy huge quantities of shit and don't know what to do with it. I guarantee none of these people are urban dwellers who live in small spaces.
There's also this thing called "greed" that keeps popping into my mind. If you are clearing shelves of items aren't you denying someone else the chance to get something that they need. Does anyone need THAT much toilet paper in their house?
It also seems like most of the grocery coupons that they brag about are for processed, crappy food. So, great, you have 900 cans of spaghettios, but you are none the healthier for it.
I dunno, the whole thing is just a bit beyond me.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Month Two Roundup
We are 5 days into May and I haven't had a chance to sit down and reflect on April's "Put your own oxygen mask on first". Did I make it to not feeling quilty about doing things? Sort of
1. Have lunch with a friend once a week
Done and done. Except for that week that I lay on the couch ridiculously ill with strep throat and conjunctivitis. But I saw people and talked and it was good.
2.Engage in activities that give me joy.
I did try some yoga OnDemand and except for the time I was sick (ok so that really stretched over almost 3 weeks) I did sing every week. I took 2 voice lessons which was also great. I went the gym when I could which was, frankly, not often enough, but we were also outside more being active which totally counts as exercise in my book.
3. Schedule girly time.
Done. got my eyebrows done and set up another appointment. My hair is being cut next week - first time since December 4 I realized earlier this week...
4. Try something totally new
Did it. I tried a few new recipes. I didn't get out and have an adventure like I'd hoped and I've realized in the past few weeks how much I miss that about my current life, but there's still time for that.
5. Have a date night once a month.
Done. We went to hear a concert and out to dinner. We also scheduled a few adult only dinners after the Shorty was in bed and that was nice to just have conversation instead of having a toddler shout 'cheers' and try to clink her sippy cup against your wine glass. We also have a date night scheduled for this coming weekend and another in the middle of the month.
So, did I do these things without feeling guilty. Sort of. I think it is far more ingrained in my nature than can be undone in one month. But, I did speak up, ask for more things I wanted and go for it a bit more. I will probably always have to be mindful of this as I move through life. It is too easy to end up doing for everyone else and not for you.
The one place I didn't succeed was setting up a time to do something fun with Kat. Our lives are just too busy and that takes way more advance planning.
1. Have lunch with a friend once a week
Done and done. Except for that week that I lay on the couch ridiculously ill with strep throat and conjunctivitis. But I saw people and talked and it was good.
2.Engage in activities that give me joy.
I did try some yoga OnDemand and except for the time I was sick (ok so that really stretched over almost 3 weeks) I did sing every week. I took 2 voice lessons which was also great. I went the gym when I could which was, frankly, not often enough, but we were also outside more being active which totally counts as exercise in my book.
3. Schedule girly time.
Done. got my eyebrows done and set up another appointment. My hair is being cut next week - first time since December 4 I realized earlier this week...
4. Try something totally new
Did it. I tried a few new recipes. I didn't get out and have an adventure like I'd hoped and I've realized in the past few weeks how much I miss that about my current life, but there's still time for that.
5. Have a date night once a month.
Done. We went to hear a concert and out to dinner. We also scheduled a few adult only dinners after the Shorty was in bed and that was nice to just have conversation instead of having a toddler shout 'cheers' and try to clink her sippy cup against your wine glass. We also have a date night scheduled for this coming weekend and another in the middle of the month.
So, did I do these things without feeling guilty. Sort of. I think it is far more ingrained in my nature than can be undone in one month. But, I did speak up, ask for more things I wanted and go for it a bit more. I will probably always have to be mindful of this as I move through life. It is too easy to end up doing for everyone else and not for you.
The one place I didn't succeed was setting up a time to do something fun with Kat. Our lives are just too busy and that takes way more advance planning.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Beathing Deeply
In my guilt free month, here's what I've done so far and what I've learned:
Lunch with a friend: Check, check and check. Last week I actually had two different lunch dates. It is lovely to reconnect with people and feel like you are a part of things again. It is something to work at as it isn't easy to schedule when my time is limited, but is very worth it. Kat and I have picked a day to get together too, though we haven't decided exactly what, yet.
Engage in activities that give me joy:
I've done yoga several times this week at home. A class continues to be problematic, so I'm on the hunt for one to just try out. I've sung a bit, but my March cold hit me hard and I still have a dry cough and vocal cords that show the results. This weekend I've got a lesson scheduled and from there will decide whether or not to go to the Laryngologist to be looked at. I've also been doing some of the Artist's Way, and have found it helpful - mostly morning pages at this point and the first chapter of the book. My resolution to perform this year is coming along a bit as I've identified some music I want to sing and have some other stuff to look through with the pianist once I get my voice up and running again.
Schedule time for girly upkeep.
Done. Went to get my eyebrows done and scheduled a follow up for this month. I know I need to get my haircut too since I can't remember the last time I did that, but I'm going to wait until I'm done teaching and have time during the week to go.
Try something new:
I've tried several new recipes, but I realize what I really meant by the try something new thing was to do something by myself that is new. So that still has yet to happen. Maybe it will be a yoga class and I'll kill two birds with one stone?
Have a date night at least once:
We did that this past weekend with a night out for Sushi (first one since Barf Fest Nov '10 the night before which Sushi was consumed by the Hubs and he hasn't been able to touch it since). It was so nice to sit with a glass of wine, out in public and dine with no child around. We then went to hear a symphony play and ended the night by walking through the Pru and stopped in the BodyShop where I got some Shea butter lotion to try and calm my ridiculously dry, awful skin.
Technically we have another date night this coming week because it is parent's night at the Shorty's daycare and I tacked an hour on to the request to the sitter so we can go get a drink after. And we already have one for May because my inlaws offered us their Symphony tickets to hear Berlioz's Romeo and Juliet.
All in all it has been a pretty good month. There's a lot of change looming on the horizon, but I hope it will come to fruition soon as we feel ready to move on. I'm done teaching in about 2 weeks and will take the remainder of May to unwind and then teach summer students through to August (unless we are moving). In the fall I've been offered a job at Wellesley teaching for one semester and I'm excited to do that. It will add one day on to my two days of teaching at Harvard and could lead to good things, my instincts tell me. The issue of the second child is also up for debate, but we need to solidify some other things first.
In terms of last month's things, I've kept up and the kiddo has been sleeping better so that has helped (save for this last week's bad cold/teeth). I've been reading (just finished The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind, exercising as I can - Jillian Michael's 30 day shred, run a mile, go to the gym, we've been out of the house a lot and it is all good! I also got a pill organizer (hello, I'm an 80 year old woman) and put in my multivitamin, calcium, Vit D, and Flax so I have a better shot at remembering to take them. So far so good for 3 out of 4 days. I've also been meditating and find it makes an amazing difference. If done at lunch on a work day, the afternoon goes so much better. If done in the morning before being home with the Shorty, the day is far more enjoyable.
Lunch with a friend: Check, check and check. Last week I actually had two different lunch dates. It is lovely to reconnect with people and feel like you are a part of things again. It is something to work at as it isn't easy to schedule when my time is limited, but is very worth it. Kat and I have picked a day to get together too, though we haven't decided exactly what, yet.
Engage in activities that give me joy:
I've done yoga several times this week at home. A class continues to be problematic, so I'm on the hunt for one to just try out. I've sung a bit, but my March cold hit me hard and I still have a dry cough and vocal cords that show the results. This weekend I've got a lesson scheduled and from there will decide whether or not to go to the Laryngologist to be looked at. I've also been doing some of the Artist's Way, and have found it helpful - mostly morning pages at this point and the first chapter of the book. My resolution to perform this year is coming along a bit as I've identified some music I want to sing and have some other stuff to look through with the pianist once I get my voice up and running again.
Schedule time for girly upkeep.
Done. Went to get my eyebrows done and scheduled a follow up for this month. I know I need to get my haircut too since I can't remember the last time I did that, but I'm going to wait until I'm done teaching and have time during the week to go.
Try something new:
I've tried several new recipes, but I realize what I really meant by the try something new thing was to do something by myself that is new. So that still has yet to happen. Maybe it will be a yoga class and I'll kill two birds with one stone?
Have a date night at least once:
We did that this past weekend with a night out for Sushi (first one since Barf Fest Nov '10 the night before which Sushi was consumed by the Hubs and he hasn't been able to touch it since). It was so nice to sit with a glass of wine, out in public and dine with no child around. We then went to hear a symphony play and ended the night by walking through the Pru and stopped in the BodyShop where I got some Shea butter lotion to try and calm my ridiculously dry, awful skin.
Technically we have another date night this coming week because it is parent's night at the Shorty's daycare and I tacked an hour on to the request to the sitter so we can go get a drink after. And we already have one for May because my inlaws offered us their Symphony tickets to hear Berlioz's Romeo and Juliet.
All in all it has been a pretty good month. There's a lot of change looming on the horizon, but I hope it will come to fruition soon as we feel ready to move on. I'm done teaching in about 2 weeks and will take the remainder of May to unwind and then teach summer students through to August (unless we are moving). In the fall I've been offered a job at Wellesley teaching for one semester and I'm excited to do that. It will add one day on to my two days of teaching at Harvard and could lead to good things, my instincts tell me. The issue of the second child is also up for debate, but we need to solidify some other things first.
In terms of last month's things, I've kept up and the kiddo has been sleeping better so that has helped (save for this last week's bad cold/teeth). I've been reading (just finished The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind, exercising as I can - Jillian Michael's 30 day shred, run a mile, go to the gym, we've been out of the house a lot and it is all good! I also got a pill organizer (hello, I'm an 80 year old woman) and put in my multivitamin, calcium, Vit D, and Flax so I have a better shot at remembering to take them. So far so good for 3 out of 4 days. I've also been meditating and find it makes an amazing difference. If done at lunch on a work day, the afternoon goes so much better. If done in the morning before being home with the Shorty, the day is far more enjoyable.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Woah
I found myself doing a little math over the weekend.
On Friday I went to meet with a woman who talked with me about a possible job. I really liked her and think, in many ways, she could be a fabulous boss and mentor for me as I walk through this next part of my life.
Here's where the math comes in. The job is full time and when I calculated the cost of having two children in daycare while I worked full time, I arrived at the shocking figure of $42,000 dollars per year. G.U.L.P.
Overall, I don't want to be working full time while we have young children and who knows if we'll have a second, but that is the general plan and it will likely happen sometime in the next year, otherwise my ovaries will be shrunken and gone. I have to make some calls to other daycare centers in towns we may move to, to see if their costs are any lower, but I'm guessing they aren't by a significant enough margin. Sooooooo, that pretty much puts that particular job in the 'no' category.
On Friday I went to meet with a woman who talked with me about a possible job. I really liked her and think, in many ways, she could be a fabulous boss and mentor for me as I walk through this next part of my life.
Here's where the math comes in. The job is full time and when I calculated the cost of having two children in daycare while I worked full time, I arrived at the shocking figure of $42,000 dollars per year. G.U.L.P.
Overall, I don't want to be working full time while we have young children and who knows if we'll have a second, but that is the general plan and it will likely happen sometime in the next year, otherwise my ovaries will be shrunken and gone. I have to make some calls to other daycare centers in towns we may move to, to see if their costs are any lower, but I'm guessing they aren't by a significant enough margin. Sooooooo, that pretty much puts that particular job in the 'no' category.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Put yer own oxygen mask on first
That is the subject of this month's happiness project and by April 30, I hope to add a tag line of "how I got over feeling guilty".
Happy wife, happy life, they say or happy mommy, happy baby. Yet, when I think about doing things for myself, I often shy away because I feel guilty - for asking for time away, for spending money on a non-necessity etc etc. When I do finally have time to myself I feel like I should rush through it so I can get back home where I have responsibilities.
So, if I imagined a guilt free world, here's what it would look like and I'll attempt this for the month of April.
Have lunch once a week with a friend - I started this one a week early by seeing my friend Julie and loved catching up with her. I'll add to this one to get together and do something fun with Kat once this month.
Engage in activities that give me joy no matter how long it has been since I've done them or when I'll get to do them again: Try different yoga classes and teachers. Sing something every week.
I've always been someone who sticks with what they know, yet I love trying and learning new things. Stepping out of my self constructed box and trying new things in this world could mean: taking a hot yoga class (so I might throw up, who cares?), trying a yin yoga class or a vinyasa class. Singing has been a challenge usually due to time but of late because of illness and the length of time it is taking me to get healthy. Hopefully I'm on the upswing and will be capable of vocalizing this month.
Schedule time for those girly upkeep things like haircuts and eyebrows.
I always feel guilty asking for time on the weekends, but am then miserable when I don't do anything or get some time alone. Perhaps if I put those items on the calendar they will happen and I won't feel badly about them.
Try out something totally new.
Maybe it is a concert, or listening to a new kind of music, going to the rock climbing gym, making a new recipe or doing a class. Who knows, just try it.
Have date night at least once this month.
Most nights during the week we see each other for some length of time, but it is brief and not devoted to each other and involves things like bathing the child, cleaning up the kitchen or sitting comatose in front of the tube. So time doing something we enjoy is a good way to reconnect and is something that has to be prioritized or it won't happen.
Happy wife, happy life, they say or happy mommy, happy baby. Yet, when I think about doing things for myself, I often shy away because I feel guilty - for asking for time away, for spending money on a non-necessity etc etc. When I do finally have time to myself I feel like I should rush through it so I can get back home where I have responsibilities.
So, if I imagined a guilt free world, here's what it would look like and I'll attempt this for the month of April.
Have lunch once a week with a friend - I started this one a week early by seeing my friend Julie and loved catching up with her. I'll add to this one to get together and do something fun with Kat once this month.
Engage in activities that give me joy no matter how long it has been since I've done them or when I'll get to do them again: Try different yoga classes and teachers. Sing something every week.
I've always been someone who sticks with what they know, yet I love trying and learning new things. Stepping out of my self constructed box and trying new things in this world could mean: taking a hot yoga class (so I might throw up, who cares?), trying a yin yoga class or a vinyasa class. Singing has been a challenge usually due to time but of late because of illness and the length of time it is taking me to get healthy. Hopefully I'm on the upswing and will be capable of vocalizing this month.
Schedule time for those girly upkeep things like haircuts and eyebrows.
I always feel guilty asking for time on the weekends, but am then miserable when I don't do anything or get some time alone. Perhaps if I put those items on the calendar they will happen and I won't feel badly about them.
Try out something totally new.
Maybe it is a concert, or listening to a new kind of music, going to the rock climbing gym, making a new recipe or doing a class. Who knows, just try it.
Have date night at least once this month.
Most nights during the week we see each other for some length of time, but it is brief and not devoted to each other and involves things like bathing the child, cleaning up the kitchen or sitting comatose in front of the tube. So time doing something we enjoy is a good way to reconnect and is something that has to be prioritized or it won't happen.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I surrender. I can change.
It is the end of month one, ENERGY month. Here's the roundup of it went:
**Instead of ...cleaning up...organizing...doing data entry...watching tv...doing laundry, LIE DOWN and try to nap.** I did this a few times. Twice I napped and once I just lay down for a while. In general, the Shorty has slept better so I've been able to sleep through the night as well and my need for napping has been less. An off shoot of this was the decision to watch much less television. While home on maternity leave I got used to DVRing a bunch of shows so I'd have something to do while the little one slept or nursed, but that habit continued. I don't need it and don't want it anymore, so it has gone away.
**Always have a good book to read**
This has been a resounding success. I've read four books and am most of the way through another. What I've read: THE ISLAND, SUPER RICH, A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES, POSER and am almost done with MOMMA ZEN. I do so love getting lost in a good story, so three of the books provided that. The other two have been food for thought, so to speak.
**Go to bed when you are tired, no matter what time it is**
This is hard, but not for the reasons I initially thought. It just takes time to do stuff at night. Get organized, get the Shorty's lunch together, have dinner, talk with the Hubs, return emails, calls etc. Some nights I've turned in 15 minutes early, but again, with the better night's sleep, I don't feel as though I need to go to bed earlier.
**Get out of the house every day**
This has also been a success. Nicer weather helps to facilitate, so did a week in Florida. Just this week on Monday we went to a play space from 10-11 and then for a walk up to the library at 2, and back by way of having a snack at the local coffee shop. Nicer weather is just the best.
**On the subject of eating:
Return to a low sugar diet
Return to eating minimal processed foods
Take time to get something healthy - walk all the way past the pantry to the refrigerator
Drink enough water and start the day with a glass of warm water**
My diet is lower sugar, but not no sugar as it was in the past. I've worked hard to drink more water and often succeed. I've tried to plan a good balance of vegetarian and non-vegetarian meals and have leftovers for lunch - I love a substantial lunch and sandwiches have never been my favorite. I would say I'm more aware of the choices I'm making which is good.
**On the topic of exercise:
Walk instead of drive
Go to the gym when I can
Go to a yoga class every week
Fit in a few days a week of home yoga practice**
I have walked places when I can. The gym continues to be a challenge. There's one day of the week and one day of the weekend when I know I can go. Once the weather is good enough to be out on the days I'm home, I won't care as much. I have found a yoga class and have gone several times on the weeks we are home. One big realization was that the time I have free is after Ella goes to bed. I'm trying to incorporate yoga and meditation into my daily life and that's the time it is apt to have to happen. So we'll see if I can do it.
**Act like I have more energy**
There were definitely moments that I needed to do this and tried.
Overall, this month was as much about consciousness raising as anything. I've taken to adopting mantras on various occasions. The one in the title was today's, in reaction to what I read in Momma Zen and it was the focus of my meditation at lunch. I feel as though I have become an observer of myself and am frequently present enough to be aware of what I'm saying and how I could choose another path.
So that's that. Up next, Putting My Own Oxygen Mask On First.
**Instead of ...cleaning up...organizing...doing data entry...watching tv...doing laundry, LIE DOWN and try to nap.** I did this a few times. Twice I napped and once I just lay down for a while. In general, the Shorty has slept better so I've been able to sleep through the night as well and my need for napping has been less. An off shoot of this was the decision to watch much less television. While home on maternity leave I got used to DVRing a bunch of shows so I'd have something to do while the little one slept or nursed, but that habit continued. I don't need it and don't want it anymore, so it has gone away.
**Always have a good book to read**
This has been a resounding success. I've read four books and am most of the way through another. What I've read: THE ISLAND, SUPER RICH, A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES, POSER and am almost done with MOMMA ZEN. I do so love getting lost in a good story, so three of the books provided that. The other two have been food for thought, so to speak.
**Go to bed when you are tired, no matter what time it is**
This is hard, but not for the reasons I initially thought. It just takes time to do stuff at night. Get organized, get the Shorty's lunch together, have dinner, talk with the Hubs, return emails, calls etc. Some nights I've turned in 15 minutes early, but again, with the better night's sleep, I don't feel as though I need to go to bed earlier.
**Get out of the house every day**
This has also been a success. Nicer weather helps to facilitate, so did a week in Florida. Just this week on Monday we went to a play space from 10-11 and then for a walk up to the library at 2, and back by way of having a snack at the local coffee shop. Nicer weather is just the best.
**On the subject of eating:
Return to a low sugar diet
Return to eating minimal processed foods
Take time to get something healthy - walk all the way past the pantry to the refrigerator
Drink enough water and start the day with a glass of warm water**
My diet is lower sugar, but not no sugar as it was in the past. I've worked hard to drink more water and often succeed. I've tried to plan a good balance of vegetarian and non-vegetarian meals and have leftovers for lunch - I love a substantial lunch and sandwiches have never been my favorite. I would say I'm more aware of the choices I'm making which is good.
**On the topic of exercise:
Walk instead of drive
Go to the gym when I can
Go to a yoga class every week
Fit in a few days a week of home yoga practice**
I have walked places when I can. The gym continues to be a challenge. There's one day of the week and one day of the weekend when I know I can go. Once the weather is good enough to be out on the days I'm home, I won't care as much. I have found a yoga class and have gone several times on the weeks we are home. One big realization was that the time I have free is after Ella goes to bed. I'm trying to incorporate yoga and meditation into my daily life and that's the time it is apt to have to happen. So we'll see if I can do it.
**Act like I have more energy**
There were definitely moments that I needed to do this and tried.
Overall, this month was as much about consciousness raising as anything. I've taken to adopting mantras on various occasions. The one in the title was today's, in reaction to what I read in Momma Zen and it was the focus of my meditation at lunch. I feel as though I have become an observer of myself and am frequently present enough to be aware of what I'm saying and how I could choose another path.
So that's that. Up next, Putting My Own Oxygen Mask On First.
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