The good, the bad, the iPhone

My first iphone was my wedding present from my husband. We both joked about me having one because technology was just not my thing. I could do it, I just didn't really want to. However, within a week, I was iphone fluent, downloading apps, taking photos, texting and wanting to do more. It was a new me. But, was it an improved me? From the get go, I wasn't sure.

Fast forward to the birth of the child. We announced the birth via email and Facebook from the delivery room on my iphone. I nursed while reading NPR stories on my iphone. I took walks and snapped cute photos of her sleeping in her stroller on my iphone to email to the grandmothers and the husband.

In my professional life, I left my administrative job after having the Shorty and was just teaching. That meant I was in my basement room all day with no access to a computer, yet a need to check email when students cancelled, sometimes look things up on the internet to give them more information, have a calendar that was easily accessible and coordinated with my home computer and, frankly, a chance to read NPR stories or the Boston Globe when they ditched their lessons. For that, the iphone is perfect.

When it became clear last summer that my first iphone was dying. I felt very unsure about getting another. I was aware of how much less available I was to those I love because my hands were tied to the phone. I didn't and still don't like how available the iphone makes me: the ding of an incoming email makes me want to check it right away, something funny happens in our household and I want to post it to facebook, a cute moment occurs and I want to photograph it to keep it forever. If feel tired of parenting and being tuned in, I want to tune out by surfing Facebook, Pinterest, US Magazine, NPR, Boston.com or read my horoscope. At night, the Husband and I often sit on the couch using our iphones - he to play games and check sports scores, me to read Facebook - rather than actually talk to each other.

Ultimately, I was unsure enough about my unsureness and got another iphone. The sales people informed us that NO ONE was getting the unlimited data plan that we had and we wouldn't want to give that up. I'm still not sure what unlimited data means. I don't think a day has gone by that I haven't questioned that move. Then, my husband got one (switching from a blackberry). Our apps are different, but our use the same.

With a slightly older Shorty I put the PBS kids app on so as to have entertainment if needed in a pinch. We 'favorited' some sesame street clips for her to watch on you tube - surely 3 minutes at a time is not bad, right? I tried to keep it away when I was with her, but since it is my only phone, I found myself carrying it with me around the house and frequently pull it out to play. Now, the Shorty knows just how to get to you tube and watch those videos herself, her little fingers tapping and sliding. I'm fairly sure a few times she's ended up watching Al Jazeera propaganda and stumbling onto porn can't be far behind. She knows the PBS app and helps herself to watching shows. She opens the camera app and has taken photos and videos. She. Is. Two.

At night, my husband sits in her room for a few minutes after lights out, while she unwinds in her crib before falling asleep. At first, I found that endearing. Now, I know he usually sits there and plays video games (and sometimes falls asleep). How is that quality time? It is actually through observing his iphone use that I have come to question my own even more. On the mornings that I go out for a walk, or to run an errand I almost always come home to the two of them curled up on the couch watching videos on the iphone (this, after she has already seen her allotted hour of PBS in the morning). I hear her say to him, "stop playing with your phone daddy".

She can now get herself anywhere she wants to be, either by her own reach or by dragging a chair over and hoisting herself up. In other words, there isn't a place we can put our phones that she can't reach.

Just this morning I put the number lock on my phone so she can't just help herself. But, this is about more than just her finding my phone and using it. It is about desiring and needing to curb my own use. (I have been more mindful in the last year and work hard to keep the phone away when she is around). I still wonder about surrendering my iphone and going back to just a regular old non-smart phone. In some ways I need the technology, but in most ways I don't. There is no need to for me to be so available. I hold no delusions that I am that important. When I need it is when I am working and frankly, if I'm home with my kiddo for the purpose of being a present parent, I shouldn't be working.

Technology has facilitated things in my life, but I can't honestly say it has improved them. Maybe I'll try an experiment in the coming weeks of putting my iphone in my bag when I'm home, turning the email signal sound off and the ringer up and allow for a small amount of time each day to check email - when the child is not around, but not when I have the chance to have quality time with my spouse (allow me the delusion that this time exists). That way I can answer the phone if it rings, but can ignore the rest. We'll see.