The world works in strange ways, no question. As the rest of the country is, we are watching our budget carefully. Starting Ella in daycare means an additional $1400 a month (OUCH) for 3 days of care. It is somewhat of a gamble because I have no idea what I will earn this school year from teaching and who knows about next summer. Anyway...we've been talking about my desire to get back to singing and contemplating how to finance lessons which don't come cheap. We'd negotiated between ourselves that I would try to do 2 a month and factor in an hour of practice time on the days I'd teach. It is a far cry from weekly lessons, coachings and daily rehearsals, but I'll take it.
Just as we settled on this, I got an email from my uncle saying that a great uncle who died probably 4 or 5 years ago had an additional life insurance policy that no one knew about. He died without a will, which, when you live in Delaware means they hunt down all of your living blood relatives and divide the estate up between them. I'd already gotten my initial payout years ago, but this amount will pay for 5 months of lessons twice a month for me without having to touch our other income. The check arrived yesterday and my first lesson is in 2 weeks!
Thank you Uncle Ross!!!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Accomplishment!
Here it is: I actually made dinner at a decent hour last night.
Throughout Ella's life I've not figured out how to make dinner while she is still awake. In the early days dinner time was her meltdown time and now a days, she is on the move, so I can't exactly plunk her somewhere and go off and do something else.
Yesterday, it dawned on me to try putting the pack and play in the kitchen, load it up with toys and see if she'd hang out in there while I cooked. It worked!!! We had some music on, she bopped around, sometimes standing up to peer over at what I was doing and then plopping back down and playing with her favorite toy - measuring spoons.
The bottom line is I had dinner all assembled before feeding her dinner and was able to put it in the oven at 6:30 and we ate at 7, right after she went to bed. My whole being is happier with that plan - I'm not so hungry I'm crabby and I've had enough time to digest that I don't get reflux which messes with my chances of singing decently. She even stayed in long enough for me to wash up prep dishes so the kitchen wasn't an utter disaster to clean up.
And, the most fun of all, was I held out some of the pasta, put some sauce and parm. cheese on it, tore up some chicken we'd had the other night and it was her dinner. There is something of a huge relief to me to have her move into eating table food. She loves it and the mess it makes and I love seeing her grow and move towards a bigger kid.
Now if we can just get her to sleep until at least 6am again.....
Throughout Ella's life I've not figured out how to make dinner while she is still awake. In the early days dinner time was her meltdown time and now a days, she is on the move, so I can't exactly plunk her somewhere and go off and do something else.
Yesterday, it dawned on me to try putting the pack and play in the kitchen, load it up with toys and see if she'd hang out in there while I cooked. It worked!!! We had some music on, she bopped around, sometimes standing up to peer over at what I was doing and then plopping back down and playing with her favorite toy - measuring spoons.
The bottom line is I had dinner all assembled before feeding her dinner and was able to put it in the oven at 6:30 and we ate at 7, right after she went to bed. My whole being is happier with that plan - I'm not so hungry I'm crabby and I've had enough time to digest that I don't get reflux which messes with my chances of singing decently. She even stayed in long enough for me to wash up prep dishes so the kitchen wasn't an utter disaster to clean up.
And, the most fun of all, was I held out some of the pasta, put some sauce and parm. cheese on it, tore up some chicken we'd had the other night and it was her dinner. There is something of a huge relief to me to have her move into eating table food. She loves it and the mess it makes and I love seeing her grow and move towards a bigger kid.
Now if we can just get her to sleep until at least 6am again.....
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
had it, having it and whatall...
I'm not sure if I'm still in the process of 'having it' or if I've just officially 'had it' with working for other people.
This week's adventures make me think it might just be time to hang out my own shingle and go it alone. I long, yearn, pine, drool over the possibility of having a manager who wows the world with communication skills, negotiation abilities, management talents. Thus far, I've come up with diddly on that front.
The aforementioned adventure went from simple, to odd to all out clusterfuck (SUCH a great word). It began as a meeting in which it was recognized that I've been donating my time for about 4 years to run the program I teach in and it was suggested that I should receive a stipend for said work. All good. A meeting was held, an amount was proposed and agreed on and everyone walked away happy. Except one person who, the next day, fired off and email saying I should be paid 80% less - at a rate I haven't been paid since probably high school. I replied and said as much and a bit more.
Things continued until last week when I was asked to put together a list of tasks and estimate time and dollars and my supervisor would get back to me with what the potential stipend would be and I could say yay or nay. I followed through on my end. What did I get in return?
What did I get in return, indeed.
What I got was a mass email sent out to all the teachers yeaterday about starting up in the fall and rolled into the middle of that email was, 'oh, by the way' Person X (not a voice teacher and definitely not me) will now be the Director of the Program'.
Uhhhhhhh.....you know, it saves me load of administrative headache to not have to coordinate things, but that was NOT the way to tell me about the decision. I have been ridonkulously helpful in providing info, setting up the meeting for alumni to talk about the financial side of the program, done this that and the other, was lead to believe we were simply dickering over dollars and THIS is what I get. Communication from someone who appears to be in over his head, with no idea how to manage employees.
Bring on the school year, I can't fucking wait.
All of that had me lying awake listening to my child cry randomly at 4am and thinking, perhaps I should just escape the whole working for someone else and work for myself. Launch a venture that will be workable from home, have some childcare to keep my sanity and just fuck the work world. Sounds pretty appealing if you ask me.
This week's adventures make me think it might just be time to hang out my own shingle and go it alone. I long, yearn, pine, drool over the possibility of having a manager who wows the world with communication skills, negotiation abilities, management talents. Thus far, I've come up with diddly on that front.
The aforementioned adventure went from simple, to odd to all out clusterfuck (SUCH a great word). It began as a meeting in which it was recognized that I've been donating my time for about 4 years to run the program I teach in and it was suggested that I should receive a stipend for said work. All good. A meeting was held, an amount was proposed and agreed on and everyone walked away happy. Except one person who, the next day, fired off and email saying I should be paid 80% less - at a rate I haven't been paid since probably high school. I replied and said as much and a bit more.
Things continued until last week when I was asked to put together a list of tasks and estimate time and dollars and my supervisor would get back to me with what the potential stipend would be and I could say yay or nay. I followed through on my end. What did I get in return?
What did I get in return, indeed.
What I got was a mass email sent out to all the teachers yeaterday about starting up in the fall and rolled into the middle of that email was, 'oh, by the way' Person X (not a voice teacher and definitely not me) will now be the Director of the Program'.
Uhhhhhhh.....you know, it saves me load of administrative headache to not have to coordinate things, but that was NOT the way to tell me about the decision. I have been ridonkulously helpful in providing info, setting up the meeting for alumni to talk about the financial side of the program, done this that and the other, was lead to believe we were simply dickering over dollars and THIS is what I get. Communication from someone who appears to be in over his head, with no idea how to manage employees.
Bring on the school year, I can't fucking wait.
All of that had me lying awake listening to my child cry randomly at 4am and thinking, perhaps I should just escape the whole working for someone else and work for myself. Launch a venture that will be workable from home, have some childcare to keep my sanity and just fuck the work world. Sounds pretty appealing if you ask me.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Feeling Grateful
There are many days when I long for a dear friend to get together with to talk about life and what is going on in it these days. I miss having girlfriends who are experiencing parenthood at the same time I am and who know me well.
In my pre-marriage and Ella days I had friends who were married and had children, but most of them lived in adjoining states - New York and San Francisco to be precise. Locally, I cultivated friendships with other single women - many of whom have no desire to have children or probably get married. Since having Ella, I still see them, but I think we'd all agree it is different though they have been my friends for 15 years. My life has simply moved onto a different track and while we do get together for dinner or a pedicure once in a while, we won't be taking girl's trips to Spain together of going, spur of the moment, to a local watering hole to hang out.
I know I'm the type of person who tends to have fewer, but closer friends that I've known for a long time. Being casual acquaintances with people was not something I ever did well. My mom will be the first to say it was hard to plan birthday parties for me as a kid because I only wanted my best friend there. College was the first time that was ever really required of me and I can't say I felt totally successful at it. I never enjoyed going to dinner with people I didn't know well. In all honesty, I would rather have eaten alone. Over the years I've gotten better at it and have a fairly big circle of people that I know and enjoy, but those I hold near and dear are those I can get close to and form a lasting bond.
Today my desire was fulfilled when I got to chat with my friend Bronwen. We met 19 years ago this month when we started college and lived in good old Marshall Dorm. It is amazing to me that we've known each other that long, when in some ways college feels like just yesterday.
I so appreciate her friendship because our relationship has stood the test of time, relationships, distance and a whole host of other things. There are plenty of years when we probably haven't seen each other more than twice a year, but we've always caught up by phone and it is as though no time has passed no matter how long we go between chatting. Though we've been there for each other over the years, I think in the past 5 years we've really come to appreciate the friendship of the other in a way we never had before. Though our lives are so very different in some ways, we are similar people in our core.
In any event, it felt like a spot of my soul lit up when, after weeks of phone tag, we were able to catch up. There is just something wonderful about getting to talk with a person who just gets you and knows your history so there's no back story needing to be filled in when you talk. It makes me grateful for the friendships I have invested in and so glad to talk with someone who has a life that is somewhat like mine.
In my pre-marriage and Ella days I had friends who were married and had children, but most of them lived in adjoining states - New York and San Francisco to be precise. Locally, I cultivated friendships with other single women - many of whom have no desire to have children or probably get married. Since having Ella, I still see them, but I think we'd all agree it is different though they have been my friends for 15 years. My life has simply moved onto a different track and while we do get together for dinner or a pedicure once in a while, we won't be taking girl's trips to Spain together of going, spur of the moment, to a local watering hole to hang out.
I know I'm the type of person who tends to have fewer, but closer friends that I've known for a long time. Being casual acquaintances with people was not something I ever did well. My mom will be the first to say it was hard to plan birthday parties for me as a kid because I only wanted my best friend there. College was the first time that was ever really required of me and I can't say I felt totally successful at it. I never enjoyed going to dinner with people I didn't know well. In all honesty, I would rather have eaten alone. Over the years I've gotten better at it and have a fairly big circle of people that I know and enjoy, but those I hold near and dear are those I can get close to and form a lasting bond.
Today my desire was fulfilled when I got to chat with my friend Bronwen. We met 19 years ago this month when we started college and lived in good old Marshall Dorm. It is amazing to me that we've known each other that long, when in some ways college feels like just yesterday.
I so appreciate her friendship because our relationship has stood the test of time, relationships, distance and a whole host of other things. There are plenty of years when we probably haven't seen each other more than twice a year, but we've always caught up by phone and it is as though no time has passed no matter how long we go between chatting. Though we've been there for each other over the years, I think in the past 5 years we've really come to appreciate the friendship of the other in a way we never had before. Though our lives are so very different in some ways, we are similar people in our core.
In any event, it felt like a spot of my soul lit up when, after weeks of phone tag, we were able to catch up. There is just something wonderful about getting to talk with a person who just gets you and knows your history so there's no back story needing to be filled in when you talk. It makes me grateful for the friendships I have invested in and so glad to talk with someone who has a life that is somewhat like mine.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Vacation
Who doesn't love a little vacation in their lives? We are fortunate to a have a free getaway in my in-laws second home on Kezar Lake in Maine. This summer as we conserve our finances a bit, we decided to take full advantage of the family friendly spot and spend two different weeks here.
This is our solo week here. It has been the most gorgeous weather. When we arrived temps were 78 in the day and 54 at night. That is weather I can get behind. If somewhere has weather like that year round, I'd move there. I'm a fan.
For the first weekend we were joined by the LaRowe's, some of Ben's friends from college and their twin 3 year old girls. We swam, we boated, the Shorty slept little and it was a blast. Once all children were down for the night, we indulged in some good grillin' and had some amazing meals - among them, Grilled Chicken and peaches with chipotle peach dressing and grilled pork chops with cherry relish - both recipes are on epicurious.com
We've done small trips, called 'spotitions in our family, each day now that we are here alone. One day we went into North Conway and shopped for The Shorty's fall wardrobe - buying her clothes is WAY more fun than buying them for myself. Plus, you can get like 9 outfits for $100. We also went to the local nature preserve for a walk in the woods and yesterday hauled ourselves over to Bethlehem, NH so Ben could see where I grew up. The trip across 302 was spectacular. We could see the top of Mt. Washington and all the other mountains around.
Today we are awaiting the arrival of my mom who, bless her heart, offered to come up to do a few days of childcare so we could have some time to ourselves. Really, what I think we both ought to do first is take a long nap, but I suspect we'll go hiking, for boatrides, kayaking, swimming, play tennis and just enjoy ourselves some child-free time.
No question, vacation with a 9 month old is a very different experience than vacation with just two adults, but I don't think we'd change a thing. Having this place to come to where she has her own room with a crib, a rocker and space to play and we can be in our own room makes everything do-able. We are grateful and we are blessed for this vacation!!
This is our solo week here. It has been the most gorgeous weather. When we arrived temps were 78 in the day and 54 at night. That is weather I can get behind. If somewhere has weather like that year round, I'd move there. I'm a fan.
For the first weekend we were joined by the LaRowe's, some of Ben's friends from college and their twin 3 year old girls. We swam, we boated, the Shorty slept little and it was a blast. Once all children were down for the night, we indulged in some good grillin' and had some amazing meals - among them, Grilled Chicken and peaches with chipotle peach dressing and grilled pork chops with cherry relish - both recipes are on epicurious.com
We've done small trips, called 'spotitions in our family, each day now that we are here alone. One day we went into North Conway and shopped for The Shorty's fall wardrobe - buying her clothes is WAY more fun than buying them for myself. Plus, you can get like 9 outfits for $100. We also went to the local nature preserve for a walk in the woods and yesterday hauled ourselves over to Bethlehem, NH so Ben could see where I grew up. The trip across 302 was spectacular. We could see the top of Mt. Washington and all the other mountains around.
Today we are awaiting the arrival of my mom who, bless her heart, offered to come up to do a few days of childcare so we could have some time to ourselves. Really, what I think we both ought to do first is take a long nap, but I suspect we'll go hiking, for boatrides, kayaking, swimming, play tennis and just enjoy ourselves some child-free time.
No question, vacation with a 9 month old is a very different experience than vacation with just two adults, but I don't think we'd change a thing. Having this place to come to where she has her own room with a crib, a rocker and space to play and we can be in our own room makes everything do-able. We are grateful and we are blessed for this vacation!!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tough
Yesterday I caught a few moments of MTV's show 'Teen Mom'. I saw a few episodes when pregnant and I was curious to see what has transpired for these girls since last year.
The show profiles 4 high school age girls who are pregnant and follows them through becoming new moms. Many of them now have children who are around the same age as the Shorty (according to when the show airs, I'm not sure what the delay from tape to air is).
As I watched I found myself having the same feeling I get when I read stories about infants and young children dying in horrible accidents or being diagnosed with cancer or whatever. It made me feel sick to my stomach. And that feeling was mostly in relation to the empathy I feel for the girls who are new moms.
I have a great marriage, a supportive family, my own place to live that is wonderful, a job I can earn good money at and it is STILL hard becoming a mom. I can't even fathom dealing with all this at age 17, 18, 19 when I'm still in high school, have a boyfriend who may or may not be present and supportive, parents who are probably not so in favor of me having a kid (and in one case, potentially heading off to jail) and no prospects for a job in the near future.
My heart just broke not only for the girls but also for their children as I wondered what kind of a life is ahead for them. I'm a big believer in children reflecting the kind of parents they have (anxious moms have more anxious children, laid back moms have more laid back kids etc.) You could see these little babies acting out and behaving in ways that have to be at least somewhat related to the world they experience around them.
All of that made me feeIt made me feel profoundly grateful for what I have in my marriage, my home, my extended family and my child. I know there are days that are hard for me and I'm not trying to discount anything that regular old grown ups go through in transitioning to parenthood, but this just put it all in perspective. I am able to create an environment in which the Shorty will thrive. I'm a pretty calm parent and I have a very calm baby.
The bottom line is I wanted to scoop them all up and hug them; talk with the moms and help them so they wouldn't feel like they were going through it alone and give the babies what they need in the way of structure and consistency so they can thrive.
No more of that show for me!!!
The show profiles 4 high school age girls who are pregnant and follows them through becoming new moms. Many of them now have children who are around the same age as the Shorty (according to when the show airs, I'm not sure what the delay from tape to air is).
As I watched I found myself having the same feeling I get when I read stories about infants and young children dying in horrible accidents or being diagnosed with cancer or whatever. It made me feel sick to my stomach. And that feeling was mostly in relation to the empathy I feel for the girls who are new moms.
I have a great marriage, a supportive family, my own place to live that is wonderful, a job I can earn good money at and it is STILL hard becoming a mom. I can't even fathom dealing with all this at age 17, 18, 19 when I'm still in high school, have a boyfriend who may or may not be present and supportive, parents who are probably not so in favor of me having a kid (and in one case, potentially heading off to jail) and no prospects for a job in the near future.
My heart just broke not only for the girls but also for their children as I wondered what kind of a life is ahead for them. I'm a big believer in children reflecting the kind of parents they have (anxious moms have more anxious children, laid back moms have more laid back kids etc.) You could see these little babies acting out and behaving in ways that have to be at least somewhat related to the world they experience around them.
All of that made me feeIt made me feel profoundly grateful for what I have in my marriage, my home, my extended family and my child. I know there are days that are hard for me and I'm not trying to discount anything that regular old grown ups go through in transitioning to parenthood, but this just put it all in perspective. I am able to create an environment in which the Shorty will thrive. I'm a pretty calm parent and I have a very calm baby.
The bottom line is I wanted to scoop them all up and hug them; talk with the moms and help them so they wouldn't feel like they were going through it alone and give the babies what they need in the way of structure and consistency so they can thrive.
No more of that show for me!!!
Friday, July 16, 2010
It must be me
What is it about me that I attract these working situations?
My last job, that I held for almost 7 years, came with a boss who was a disaster. He had zero interest in changing and making anything run better. The world was all about him and what was best for him. If I had a dollar for every time he tired to make me do a project that would put more money in his personal pocket...well, I'd have more than a handful of dollars now. There were issues in the program and I worked very hard to right them. We needed to brand the program and so I did. All our publications became unified, I had a logo designed, we got letterhead. We had a professional appearance. All for the good of the program. I wanted a boss who would meet with me weekly and be interested in what I had to bring and what I had to say. Instead I saw him once a semester and he was not interested in the least. Let's face it, he sucked.
Here I am, in my current consulting gig, working for a small non-profit foundation that wants to bring music in the form of a cappella to the school age populations who have had their music programs cut. I'm so all about that. Great idea, great cause. The program has been around for a few years, but it has floundered in a stop and start kind of way, working at some schools, not at others. It needs a review and a reflect phase before trying to build to understand what works and what doesn't. It needs a curriculum that teachers can use to teach urban youth about singing that will meet some of the standards set by the education world for teaching music. It needs an administrator who works more than 3 hours a week. It needs a guaranteed income source and budgeting talks that covers every possible expense that could be incurred. It needs a foundation that communicates and responds quickly.
Bottom line, it needs someone like me who can take in large amount of information, process it quickly and come up with a viable model to roll out and test. Every time I meet with the person in charge of this program's committee, it comes down to this: "we want 3 more schools and 3 more teachers by September". I don't think he sees the need to examine, reflect and learn from what has been past. He doesn't find a problem in sending college age students into an urban middle school to teach music with NO GUIDANCE. He fails to see value in looking at any one of the many music outreach programs in the Boston area to learn from their successes and failures before moving forward for this one.
They've contracted me for 60 hours of work. Do you know what I could do in 60 hours? More than hire 3 teachers and find 3 schools. But, that's what they want. I pushed back one more time this morning to see if they would go for me doing some work that might help this program in the long run, not just add more schools where teachers will fail and the program will falter after a year.
Sigh. What is it that I need to learn to keep from finding myself in these jobs?
My last job, that I held for almost 7 years, came with a boss who was a disaster. He had zero interest in changing and making anything run better. The world was all about him and what was best for him. If I had a dollar for every time he tired to make me do a project that would put more money in his personal pocket...well, I'd have more than a handful of dollars now. There were issues in the program and I worked very hard to right them. We needed to brand the program and so I did. All our publications became unified, I had a logo designed, we got letterhead. We had a professional appearance. All for the good of the program. I wanted a boss who would meet with me weekly and be interested in what I had to bring and what I had to say. Instead I saw him once a semester and he was not interested in the least. Let's face it, he sucked.
Here I am, in my current consulting gig, working for a small non-profit foundation that wants to bring music in the form of a cappella to the school age populations who have had their music programs cut. I'm so all about that. Great idea, great cause. The program has been around for a few years, but it has floundered in a stop and start kind of way, working at some schools, not at others. It needs a review and a reflect phase before trying to build to understand what works and what doesn't. It needs a curriculum that teachers can use to teach urban youth about singing that will meet some of the standards set by the education world for teaching music. It needs an administrator who works more than 3 hours a week. It needs a guaranteed income source and budgeting talks that covers every possible expense that could be incurred. It needs a foundation that communicates and responds quickly.
Bottom line, it needs someone like me who can take in large amount of information, process it quickly and come up with a viable model to roll out and test. Every time I meet with the person in charge of this program's committee, it comes down to this: "we want 3 more schools and 3 more teachers by September". I don't think he sees the need to examine, reflect and learn from what has been past. He doesn't find a problem in sending college age students into an urban middle school to teach music with NO GUIDANCE. He fails to see value in looking at any one of the many music outreach programs in the Boston area to learn from their successes and failures before moving forward for this one.
They've contracted me for 60 hours of work. Do you know what I could do in 60 hours? More than hire 3 teachers and find 3 schools. But, that's what they want. I pushed back one more time this morning to see if they would go for me doing some work that might help this program in the long run, not just add more schools where teachers will fail and the program will falter after a year.
Sigh. What is it that I need to learn to keep from finding myself in these jobs?
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