Coppin' a 'Tude

It has taken my just over five months, but I think I have finally gotten to the point of knowing what perspective I need to have on my life right now. There's no doubt I've dealt with some hard stuff in the past. In each situation I've reached a place where I decide that I'm going to emerge from the experience stronger than I've ever been; rising like a Phoenix from the ashes.

So, here I am in a very happy place but also a very hard place. No doubt life presents some challenges these days. I can, and did last night, get myself turned in such circles. I find myself wanting so badly to be who I was before; to have my body back, be in shape and able to do the yoga I did before. I want my voice back to be ready to sing for job interviews and do concerts. I want to know where we will be living and what I will do for work in the fall so I can figure out daycare for Ella. It seems, at times as though everything hinges on everything else - my physical fitness plays a role in the support for my singing, nursing Ella keeps the reflux around and that effects the singing, not knowing about work makes looking for daycare tricky and on and on and on. Last night after getting myself worked up, I managed to have freaky anxiety dreams for most of the night.

Today, while teaching, I realized that I must adopt the attitude of coming out of this experience stronger than I've been before, physically, mentally and spiritually. Being the person I was before isn't an option because now I'm Ella's mom and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I can, however, be a new version of me who brings new depth to her singing not only because I've had such a profound experience in becoming a mom, but because I've experienced my body in a new way though being pregnant. I can approach yoga with a new appreciation for my body as well. Recently, I got Sarah Powers' new book, Insight Yoga and it offers just what I need now in my yoga practice. As I sang today at work I discovered some new colors and also found that I was more willing to explore the expression of the emotion of the song.

So, let it be noted. I don't know who I'll be as I emerge from this major life change, but like the Phoenix, I'm rising and moving onward and upward.