Giving it a try

I've written a fair amount recently about my unsureness (probably not a word) about my career path and whether staying in my current field is the right thing. So many days I am left feeling a bit empty from my job and not feeling as though I am doing much to contribute to the greater good. I understand what is missing and know much of it is related to the 'where' of my job and also that I am now teaching people to do something that I no longer do myself.

To that end I've started to take some steps to rectify things. This weekend an opportunity came through my email to get 'mommy cards' at 50% off. Now, the last thing in the world that I ever want to do is to have my entire identity become being someone's mommy and advertise it on cards that I hand out to people. But, the company didn't care what you chose to put on the card, so I ordered myself some business cards. The last business cards I had were made in graduate school circa 2000 and they had a copy of my headshot on them. Let's just say my cell phone number hasn't changed, but my face sure has. I'm excited for them to arrive, so when I meet new people I can actually have something to hand out.

This morning I spent a long time going through all of my contacts on gmail, yahoo and facebook to create a list of people to email and advertise the start up of a home voice studio. I know that if I wasn't staring down a long commute, spending 15% of my earnings on gas, tolls and parking and a manager who, every time he meets with me, saying he needs to find a way to cut my pay (NOT KIDDING HERE), I might like what I do a little more. On my list of other things to do is to get signs made to put up in some public places around town and try to meet with, or at least email, the head of the local school system's performing arts program and eventually put a website together.

Then, there's the element of me as a performer. With my last pregnancy I had such awful reflux and general overwhelmedness (I know that's not a word) with life that it got put on hold. I hadn't realized how impossible it would feel to go back to singing. What I've realized is that as long as I think it is impossible, it will be. So, I've been working on redefining my thinking on what it takes for me to be a performer. Maybe I can do it with only 3 days a week to sing and lessons every once in a while. I won't be the performer I was, but that's okay because I'm not the person that I was. So, I scheduled a voice lesson for myself to do in a week or so and I want to start to nail down what I'm going to work on and work to find a time that I might actually do it in public before #2 arrives.

It seems as though I owe it to myself to take these steps and see if I can construct something that feels personally rewarding as well as financially viable for my family before walking away completely. We'll see how it all goes.