What are you waiting for?

This morning I had a small moment of epiphany.

While watching Biggest Loser I heard a contestant say "I just know if I'm given the chance, I can do this". I looked at her and realized that we all hold ourselves back from doing things because we are waiting for someone or something else to give us permission to change. In her case, she could, at any time, have chosen to change her eating habits and go to a gym, but something held her back. Now, here she is on the Biggest Loser and she considers this her chance to make a change.

What is something in your life that you want to change? Can you name it and then list all the reasons why you 'can't' do it?

I can. I really want to be singing again. My reasons why I don't are the following:
I can't practice every day.
We are trying to keep expenses down so I can't take a lesson every week and work with an accompanist.
I'm frequently exhausted from the Shorty's unpredictable sleeping.
I have reflux often from having to eat dinner so late.
When I'm home I feel as though my free time should be spent doing things around the house like cleaning, organizing or running errands.

Well, if I keep up that thought process I'm never, never going to sing again. That doesn't really solve the problem does it? If I keep thinking that way, I'm waiting for someone to show up and say, okay I'll be your night nurse so you can sleep, I'll clean your house for you, I'll be here on the days you are home with your child to give you an hour of time to be able to practice and I'll give you a chunk of money that is exempt from regular expenses to spend on your training. Silly.

There are some negotiables in there. The cleaning can wait or be done slightly less often. We, in fact, have plenty of money for me to use to do lessons, but it will have to come from savings (and, in the long run, if I sing more now I may go back to getting some paid singing gigs to underwrite the cost of my professional development).

The non-neogtiables have to do with the kiddo. Someday she will be a more consistent sleeper, but right now, it seems as though a few days after we enter a good stretch, she gets a cold, a tooth, doesn't nap well and therefore doesn't sleep well. The reality is I've functioned ok while being really tired and if I'm too tired, I should nap rather than practice. While I'm home with her, it is hard to practice. She's on the move, but I could try 10 minutes of vocalizing while she buzzes around and then spend some time singing songs with her so I'm using my voice.

I believe firmly in working hard to be good at something, but I can sing and perform even if I'm not practicing every day. I bet, as I get close to a performance, I could call on my network to take the Shorty so I could have more time to prepare.

Intellectually I get ALL of the above. So what is it that is holding me back? I gotta contemplate that one, but I'm tired of waiting.