About a year ago, I bought some fabric on a whim. It was a bunch of colors I loved, in batik style. The fabric sat around and periodically, I'd pull it out wondering what to do with it, look at it for a few days and then put it back.
About 3 months ago, I realized I had taken a photo when walking down my street on my way to the airport to fly to Paris in 2005 of some ivy that was hanging on the elementary school wall. The colors in the picture were just darker versions of the leaves as they turned color. Fast forward to two weeks ago and you'd find me in the fabric store with picture in hand, looking to get more fabric. You see, my mother-in-law turns 70 next week and I thought I'd make her a little art quilt that used the fabric and somehow took inspiration from the picture.
Here's the rub. My little creativity streak still has a desire, but no ability to coalesce. I have looked at the fabric, looked at the picture, looked at the fabric, looked at the picture...well, you get the idea. I CAN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE DAMN FABRIC.
Now, the birthday is closing in and the extent of what I've done is cut out a template of some ivy that I found on google images, but I didn't love it. I keep thinking about it, but no idea really seems to strike me as the 'ah ha that's what I'll do' idea. Boo.
Maybe something will come to me this weekend, but I'm gonna have to work fast to pull it off.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
More from the Annals of Breastfeeding
I find this fascinating.
An important bit of info to this story is that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for 6 months and then continue for at least a year.
A friend of mine is a pediatrician. She has a baby and just went back to work and needs to pump milk for her daughter When you pump you need to do it every 4 hours that you are away from your child. So let's say you work an 8 hour work day, that is 2 pumping times. Though your pump will remove all the milk in 12 minutes or so, there is set up time, cleanup time, storage time, so really you need to allow 1/2 an hour so you can do it all and not spill what you just made.
Her employer told her she could pump during her lunch break - probably many women do this. You get a hands free bra so you can eat your lunch while hooked up to the milker. Not the nicest way to spend your lunch break but so be it. For 8 and a half months you can spend your lunch break locked away in a room pumping milk.
However, they wouldn't allow her to take more time to pump. When she pushed they said they would give her more time, but dock her pay...she pushed more and they gave her 15 minutes and no pay dock and told her not to ask for more.
What does it say about the world that the very people who espouse breastfeeding to their patients don't make it easy for their employees to breastfeed their babies??? And, this is in the state of MA, where breastfeeding in public is protected by law.
I just don't get it.
An important bit of info to this story is that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for 6 months and then continue for at least a year.
A friend of mine is a pediatrician. She has a baby and just went back to work and needs to pump milk for her daughter When you pump you need to do it every 4 hours that you are away from your child. So let's say you work an 8 hour work day, that is 2 pumping times. Though your pump will remove all the milk in 12 minutes or so, there is set up time, cleanup time, storage time, so really you need to allow 1/2 an hour so you can do it all and not spill what you just made.
Her employer told her she could pump during her lunch break - probably many women do this. You get a hands free bra so you can eat your lunch while hooked up to the milker. Not the nicest way to spend your lunch break but so be it. For 8 and a half months you can spend your lunch break locked away in a room pumping milk.
However, they wouldn't allow her to take more time to pump. When she pushed they said they would give her more time, but dock her pay...she pushed more and they gave her 15 minutes and no pay dock and told her not to ask for more.
What does it say about the world that the very people who espouse breastfeeding to their patients don't make it easy for their employees to breastfeed their babies??? And, this is in the state of MA, where breastfeeding in public is protected by law.
I just don't get it.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Throwing it all at the wall
This is my new job search tactic. So much of our lives are up in the air that I can't think of any other way to go about it.
I'm just throwing everything at the wall and whatever sticks is what sticks.
To that end, I have an interview next Tuesday for a job I applied to a few weeks ago. It is coordinating an outreach program being launched by the Beelzebub's Foundation. They are the a capella group from Tufts that was on the TV show Sing Off. So many Boston schools are having their music programs cut that this group wants to send teachers in to run a capella programs so the students get some exposure to singing. Sounds interesting to me.
Thursday night I am meeting with the owner of a yoga studio in Belmont about teaching a few classes. She hasn't seemed exactly on top of things and that sends up a red flag, but I'm curious to meet her in person.
I've also started to put out that I could take on private students this summer and in the fall hopefully keep some private students to possibly expand my teaching.
Something in there has to take and come into a work situation that will feel right. I'm leery of being pulled in too many directions when I know my real attention is with Ella, but Harvard teaching has reduced greatly and if it can't pay the bills, I'm not staying there. I don't know that yoga teaching will produce much income, but since I'm trained in it, it seemed worth pursuing.
Whatever sticks is where I'm going.
I'm just throwing everything at the wall and whatever sticks is what sticks.
To that end, I have an interview next Tuesday for a job I applied to a few weeks ago. It is coordinating an outreach program being launched by the Beelzebub's Foundation. They are the a capella group from Tufts that was on the TV show Sing Off. So many Boston schools are having their music programs cut that this group wants to send teachers in to run a capella programs so the students get some exposure to singing. Sounds interesting to me.
Thursday night I am meeting with the owner of a yoga studio in Belmont about teaching a few classes. She hasn't seemed exactly on top of things and that sends up a red flag, but I'm curious to meet her in person.
I've also started to put out that I could take on private students this summer and in the fall hopefully keep some private students to possibly expand my teaching.
Something in there has to take and come into a work situation that will feel right. I'm leery of being pulled in too many directions when I know my real attention is with Ella, but Harvard teaching has reduced greatly and if it can't pay the bills, I'm not staying there. I don't know that yoga teaching will produce much income, but since I'm trained in it, it seemed worth pursuing.
Whatever sticks is where I'm going.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Coppin' a 'Tude
It has taken my just over five months, but I think I have finally gotten to the point of knowing what perspective I need to have on my life right now. There's no doubt I've dealt with some hard stuff in the past. In each situation I've reached a place where I decide that I'm going to emerge from the experience stronger than I've ever been; rising like a Phoenix from the ashes.
So, here I am in a very happy place but also a very hard place. No doubt life presents some challenges these days. I can, and did last night, get myself turned in such circles. I find myself wanting so badly to be who I was before; to have my body back, be in shape and able to do the yoga I did before. I want my voice back to be ready to sing for job interviews and do concerts. I want to know where we will be living and what I will do for work in the fall so I can figure out daycare for Ella. It seems, at times as though everything hinges on everything else - my physical fitness plays a role in the support for my singing, nursing Ella keeps the reflux around and that effects the singing, not knowing about work makes looking for daycare tricky and on and on and on. Last night after getting myself worked up, I managed to have freaky anxiety dreams for most of the night.
Today, while teaching, I realized that I must adopt the attitude of coming out of this experience stronger than I've been before, physically, mentally and spiritually. Being the person I was before isn't an option because now I'm Ella's mom and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I can, however, be a new version of me who brings new depth to her singing not only because I've had such a profound experience in becoming a mom, but because I've experienced my body in a new way though being pregnant. I can approach yoga with a new appreciation for my body as well. Recently, I got Sarah Powers' new book, Insight Yoga and it offers just what I need now in my yoga practice. As I sang today at work I discovered some new colors and also found that I was more willing to explore the expression of the emotion of the song.
So, let it be noted. I don't know who I'll be as I emerge from this major life change, but like the Phoenix, I'm rising and moving onward and upward.
So, here I am in a very happy place but also a very hard place. No doubt life presents some challenges these days. I can, and did last night, get myself turned in such circles. I find myself wanting so badly to be who I was before; to have my body back, be in shape and able to do the yoga I did before. I want my voice back to be ready to sing for job interviews and do concerts. I want to know where we will be living and what I will do for work in the fall so I can figure out daycare for Ella. It seems, at times as though everything hinges on everything else - my physical fitness plays a role in the support for my singing, nursing Ella keeps the reflux around and that effects the singing, not knowing about work makes looking for daycare tricky and on and on and on. Last night after getting myself worked up, I managed to have freaky anxiety dreams for most of the night.
Today, while teaching, I realized that I must adopt the attitude of coming out of this experience stronger than I've been before, physically, mentally and spiritually. Being the person I was before isn't an option because now I'm Ella's mom and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I can, however, be a new version of me who brings new depth to her singing not only because I've had such a profound experience in becoming a mom, but because I've experienced my body in a new way though being pregnant. I can approach yoga with a new appreciation for my body as well. Recently, I got Sarah Powers' new book, Insight Yoga and it offers just what I need now in my yoga practice. As I sang today at work I discovered some new colors and also found that I was more willing to explore the expression of the emotion of the song.
So, let it be noted. I don't know who I'll be as I emerge from this major life change, but like the Phoenix, I'm rising and moving onward and upward.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Poop Watch, Day 5
Much to everyone's delight we started the shorty on solid foods three weeks ago. She ate rice cereal with reckless abandon for the first week. We moved onto green beans after being told by friend Elisabeth, pediatrician extraordinaire, to do green first or they'll only ever eat sweet things as babies. Um, green beans are gross. The smell alone sent me back to my childhood days eating the crap food served in the dining hall at White Mountain School. I have a strong memory of the smell of the yellow wax beans that came out of a can and appeared randomly on our plates and this was that smell. I couldn't blame her for not liking them.
The downside of solid foods in the increasingly irregularity of her poop. I know, I'm talking about my child's bowels on the interwebs, but for those of you who don't have kids, poop is an all consuming subject. I mean, we already talked a fair bit about trips to the 'office' in our household before the baby arrived. Now it is like over the top. God forbid we ever go somewhere where we need to act like civilized human beings. We're screwed.
She was fine the first week and then the second week went for 4 days without pooping. That's a lotta food in and nothing out. When the situation resolved itself I just about fell over. I have never seen such a diaper full of, well, poopy nastiness. It was like poop peanut butter. Seriously.
Are you still reading, cause I know this is gross? She then pooped just fine for 3 days and then stopped. For five. I busted out the prunes. She gobbled those suckers up. 3 days of prunes. No poop. This morning we broke out peaches - all P foods are helpful to the system, except peas, which bind.
It was no secret there was poop in there. The grunting straining while she had her bottle last night accompanied by the red-faced, my-head-might-explode looks kinda gave it away. Not to mention the farts. Oh. My. God. The farts. I thought my childhood dog Rigby had perhaps been reincarnated as my child. That dog could clear a table with his farts. Sadly, I could go no where as she nursed and tooted away. Fortunately, once again, magic mobile did the trick.
For some reason this kid is happy to poop in her drawers when she watches her mobile. I don't know why, but anytime there's been a poop issue, we put her there and thar she blows. So, the situation, on day 5 of poop watch, came to a close with another hideously poopy diaper that ALMOST went up her back.
I know it probably only gets worse from here. I'm steeling myself for the year and 7 months ahead of diapers and already counting down to potty training.
The downside of solid foods in the increasingly irregularity of her poop. I know, I'm talking about my child's bowels on the interwebs, but for those of you who don't have kids, poop is an all consuming subject. I mean, we already talked a fair bit about trips to the 'office' in our household before the baby arrived. Now it is like over the top. God forbid we ever go somewhere where we need to act like civilized human beings. We're screwed.
She was fine the first week and then the second week went for 4 days without pooping. That's a lotta food in and nothing out. When the situation resolved itself I just about fell over. I have never seen such a diaper full of, well, poopy nastiness. It was like poop peanut butter. Seriously.
Are you still reading, cause I know this is gross? She then pooped just fine for 3 days and then stopped. For five. I busted out the prunes. She gobbled those suckers up. 3 days of prunes. No poop. This morning we broke out peaches - all P foods are helpful to the system, except peas, which bind.
It was no secret there was poop in there. The grunting straining while she had her bottle last night accompanied by the red-faced, my-head-might-explode looks kinda gave it away. Not to mention the farts. Oh. My. God. The farts. I thought my childhood dog Rigby had perhaps been reincarnated as my child. That dog could clear a table with his farts. Sadly, I could go no where as she nursed and tooted away. Fortunately, once again, magic mobile did the trick.
For some reason this kid is happy to poop in her drawers when she watches her mobile. I don't know why, but anytime there's been a poop issue, we put her there and thar she blows. So, the situation, on day 5 of poop watch, came to a close with another hideously poopy diaper that ALMOST went up her back.
I know it probably only gets worse from here. I'm steeling myself for the year and 7 months ahead of diapers and already counting down to potty training.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Focus on What You Can Do
After my downer post of Friday night, I went to yoga Saturday morning. It couldn't have been a better thing for me to do. It was taught by a woman I've been to a few times, who works with Barbara and I love her teaching. The classes are relaxing and she has a gentle approach that is underlaid with challenge and resolve. I knew it would be 'attainable' for me - in other words not too hard and still enjoyable.
She started the class off by reminding us to focus on what we could do not what we couldn't when approaching individual poses. It was just what I needed to hear. I left the class feeling refreshed and as though I had gone to the church of my choosing. The spiritual side of yoga is as important to me as the physical. It was so nice to do poses as she talked about elements of the yoga sutra. I felt connected again.
I've held onto her advice about focusing on what we can do as I've approached this week. Especially as I've thought about my body. I have healed most of the diastisis and have started to do the exercises again I know work best - something I can do. Though I had begun going to the gym before the two week illness that sidelined me hit, it is now nicer weather and many days I can walk outside, or at the mall as I did yesterday (almots 3 miles!!). There is also a jogging stroller in Maine that will hopefully come to live with us soon. Ella will be big enough to go in it and I can experiment with working back up to running.
Mostly, I've tried to remind myself that I can choose how I approach things and can choose my attitude. I'm trying to make good choices and focus on what I can do whether it be about a personal interest project (I started sewing a quilt as a baby present for a long time friend of Ben's who had a little boy), my professional life (I've started working on my CV and putting together a proposal for a job that I'd like to have created for me at MGH) or even things around the house (I try not to focus on what didn't get done, but on what I can do each day).
The best thing is this Saturday is also spring break and therefore I can go back to yoga class.
She started the class off by reminding us to focus on what we could do not what we couldn't when approaching individual poses. It was just what I needed to hear. I left the class feeling refreshed and as though I had gone to the church of my choosing. The spiritual side of yoga is as important to me as the physical. It was so nice to do poses as she talked about elements of the yoga sutra. I felt connected again.
I've held onto her advice about focusing on what we can do as I've approached this week. Especially as I've thought about my body. I have healed most of the diastisis and have started to do the exercises again I know work best - something I can do. Though I had begun going to the gym before the two week illness that sidelined me hit, it is now nicer weather and many days I can walk outside, or at the mall as I did yesterday (almots 3 miles!!). There is also a jogging stroller in Maine that will hopefully come to live with us soon. Ella will be big enough to go in it and I can experiment with working back up to running.
Mostly, I've tried to remind myself that I can choose how I approach things and can choose my attitude. I'm trying to make good choices and focus on what I can do whether it be about a personal interest project (I started sewing a quilt as a baby present for a long time friend of Ben's who had a little boy), my professional life (I've started working on my CV and putting together a proposal for a job that I'd like to have created for me at MGH) or even things around the house (I try not to focus on what didn't get done, but on what I can do each day).
The best thing is this Saturday is also spring break and therefore I can go back to yoga class.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Gotta Go There
I don't like this, but the reality is, I hate the changes that have happened to my body as a result of being pregnant. I realize the reward of having a child is the lens through which to look at these changes, but it is hard.
For one, my feet. They swelled a bit at the end of the pregnancy, but courtesy of the relaxin hormone, they also spread. Now none of my old shoes fit and I'm needing to replace them. I've delayed doing it and as a result I have several toes that hurt pretty badly. My feet are also very painful to walk on when I get up in the night to go to Miss Ella and feed her - I'm not sure what the source of that pain is. Now isn't really the time when I feel like we have a bunch of expendable income to spend on a new wardrobe of shoes for me.
My boobs. Because of nursing I know they are headed south to begin with and probably will eventually shrink to smaller than what they were before being pregnant. I've watched it happen to other friends and it will probably happen to me. Not to mention that my personal nipple mauler leaves them hurting 7 times a day.
My abs. I have the abdominal diastisis that happens to many women when pregnant. Your rectus abdominis separates when the size of the uterus gets so big that it pushes the two halves apart. The problem is the two halves don't like to go back together so you end up with a poochy belly. I've got pooch. It pooches most around your belly button. Check, got that too. I did the exercises I was supposed to do after giving birth and do my usual set of crunches, but I just read something about how those crunches can exacerbate the problem (how many times can I use the word exacerbate in one post? So far, 3, apparently.). So will I have a 'mummy tummy' forever? Sigh.
My lady bits. Let's just say that they've healed but not really healed. It isn't comfortable and who knows when it is going to get better.
My overall fitness level is in the toilet. Things jiggle like they t'ain't never jiggled before and I hate that feeling. I am so tired and have so little time that figuring out how to get back into shape seems insurmountable at times. Just walking isn't going to cut it. The occasional knee pain that I felt prepregnancy has also been exacerbated after carrying 40 extra pounds and having my gait alter. Sometimes my knee is fine and other times it is so painful I step and grimace. Will I be able to run again? I'm afraid to start when I'm this out of shape as I know a portion of my knee issue is muscle strength/balance related.
I have to admit, accepting that I'm not ever going to have my pre-pregnancy body back makes me feel like total poo. I liked my body a lot before. I was comfortable in my own skin. Now, not so much. I want back what I had before and don't know if it is possible, let alone how to get there.
Okay, enough of my little Friday night black cloud. I'm going to bed.
For one, my feet. They swelled a bit at the end of the pregnancy, but courtesy of the relaxin hormone, they also spread. Now none of my old shoes fit and I'm needing to replace them. I've delayed doing it and as a result I have several toes that hurt pretty badly. My feet are also very painful to walk on when I get up in the night to go to Miss Ella and feed her - I'm not sure what the source of that pain is. Now isn't really the time when I feel like we have a bunch of expendable income to spend on a new wardrobe of shoes for me.
My boobs. Because of nursing I know they are headed south to begin with and probably will eventually shrink to smaller than what they were before being pregnant. I've watched it happen to other friends and it will probably happen to me. Not to mention that my personal nipple mauler leaves them hurting 7 times a day.
My abs. I have the abdominal diastisis that happens to many women when pregnant. Your rectus abdominis separates when the size of the uterus gets so big that it pushes the two halves apart. The problem is the two halves don't like to go back together so you end up with a poochy belly. I've got pooch. It pooches most around your belly button. Check, got that too. I did the exercises I was supposed to do after giving birth and do my usual set of crunches, but I just read something about how those crunches can exacerbate the problem (how many times can I use the word exacerbate in one post? So far, 3, apparently.). So will I have a 'mummy tummy' forever? Sigh.
My lady bits. Let's just say that they've healed but not really healed. It isn't comfortable and who knows when it is going to get better.
My overall fitness level is in the toilet. Things jiggle like they t'ain't never jiggled before and I hate that feeling. I am so tired and have so little time that figuring out how to get back into shape seems insurmountable at times. Just walking isn't going to cut it. The occasional knee pain that I felt prepregnancy has also been exacerbated after carrying 40 extra pounds and having my gait alter. Sometimes my knee is fine and other times it is so painful I step and grimace. Will I be able to run again? I'm afraid to start when I'm this out of shape as I know a portion of my knee issue is muscle strength/balance related.
I have to admit, accepting that I'm not ever going to have my pre-pregnancy body back makes me feel like total poo. I liked my body a lot before. I was comfortable in my own skin. Now, not so much. I want back what I had before and don't know if it is possible, let alone how to get there.
Okay, enough of my little Friday night black cloud. I'm going to bed.
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